Friday, August 27, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Renegotiating in your Relationship!

Female Fridays
Aw, the infamous renegotiation! Depending on the situation, this one word can make a wreck out of your relationship! When we first meet our significant other, we become all excited because we appear to want the same thing out of relationships! That’s where the problem begins! Most people will introduce you to their representative that will agree with whatever to appear that they are compatible with you. We then accept the facade and are confused when the relationship progresses and you find out you have absolutely nothing in common and even worse than that some of your ideas and values of life may not line up with each other as well!

Now don’t get me wrong, it is okay to change your mind about a situation, but you can’t do that without consulting with your significant other! We forget that our decisions no longer affect just us, but it effects every member of your nuclear family! As a result, we have to assess the best options for our families’ needs and develop a healthy compromise.

As women, this renegotiation ordeal becomes a bit more complicated as biblically we are instructed to play the submissive role. Now depending on how this may be interpreted in the relationship, some women may feel as if they have no say in the matter, while others have mastered planting the idea in their spouse’s head to where he may feel like he came up with the thought himself! (Don’t worry ladies, I will guard this secret, lol). Now, one of the primary needs for women in relationships is stability and security, so we love when our mate appropriately displays the role of the head of the household! However at times it becomes confusing when a major life decision has to be discussed because we then have to decipher “just how submissive” are we really suppose to be!

Before we were married or became involved in a serious relationship, we probably never paid too much attention to our independent decision making process because we only had to think about one person! Throw a relationship into the mix and now we have to consider the benefits to this other person, while praying that you can fully trust the decisions that your mate makes for the family as the head of your household!

Renegotiating the terms of your marriage is no easy feat, but as your relationship progresses, hopefully so will you. Who you were at 25 should look completely different at 35! Now that’s my personal opinion, but could probably pass as a professional opinion. We should all hope to grow and become the best that we can be and that’s no different in how we should see our relationships as well. When it comes to renegotiating an aspect of your marriage, it should be inclusive of your spouse and all options and consequences must be assessed before the final decision is made. It’s not an I win, you lose situation, but more so how does this decision best benefits the family and are the risk greater than the outcome. So family when it’s time to renegotiate consider your spouse’s benefits in the decision so that you can escape good old resentment down the line!

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