Monday, August 30, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: My Life Is Based On Sacrifices

"My life is based on sacrifices..." - Jay Z

This weekend my wife Tanya told me she was taking Naomi to downtown Silver Spring to help support one of her homegirls who was selling jewelry which was great for me cause I can ALWAYS use a break from a 4 year old! They left around 11am and after a wonderful quiet day of playing PS3, making beats and watching some of Season 4 of the Wire...I looked up and saw that it was 7pm! I called Tee to make sure they were alright because if I'm out with Naomi for over 4 hours I start seeing double! And she said they were fine and that she was giving me a break from Naomi. Now, my first thought was "what did you do" or "what do you want", but then it hit me that my wife was just being selfless.

My homegirl once called me selfish and I couldn't believe it! I've known shorty for over 20 years and she knows more then anyone that I would give her or anyone on my team my absolute last! So I felt some kinda way about her calling me selfish. But then she broke it down to me that I'm not selfish with my money or possessions but that I'm selfish with my time. And after really thinking about it, she was absolutely right! When I wanna make beats, I wanna make beats. When I wanna play NBA live for 3 hours straight, I wanna play NBA live for 3 hours straight, and a lot of times I'm not mindful that at times I'm not putting my wife's needs above mine.

We have to realize that once we become Christians, we are called to be servants. The reason I'm writing that is because I always say this and hear it all the time, that marriage is so hard but truth be told being a Christian by itself is hard! So, once we decide to give our life to Christ, we should begin to shed the selfishness that we ALL have and begin to serve others. So, it should be a no brainer that once we get married we're still called to be servants! I remember before I got saved, I was asking one of my peoples if he was buying the new NBA live game that just dropped and he said he had to make sure that his wife and his daughter had everything they needed and if they did, then he would buy the game because his needs come last. And I thought to myself, "You work hard everyday and you can't buy a video game AND you come last?!?! That sucks!" But now I understand EVERYTHING he was talking about perfectly!

Thanks to my homegirl's 2 cents I see that I have to be more mindful of my time and being selfish towards my wife. I think when we hear the word selfish we automatically think money and nothing else but selfishness covers a wide range of things. I had to sit back and check myself and see was I putting my needs first or last. And that's what many marriages need to do, because I truly believe that if both people are putting their own needs before their spouse's needs that the marriage is not going to be able to grow the way God intended it to. And I don't know about you but I want my marriage and my family to be everything that God wants it to be. I believe marriage should be about putting my wife's needs first and her doing the same for me. That way we depend on each other to get our individual needs met. But what I believe usually happens is each spouse is putting their own needs first and no one is caring about the other person's needs. Which eventually leads to both people thinking "ummm, why do I need you again?"

Jay told ya'll on "Politics As Usual" that his life is based on sacrifices and that's what our marriage should be based on...our sacrifices for each other. We'll brag to anyone who will listen about all the sacrifices we make for our kids ("I sold my car to be able to put 'lil Malik in that private school" or "I gave up my dream of being an astronaut to be a stay at home mother") and we do it without even thinking about it. And on top of that we don't resent our kids for our sacrifices! Too many times I hear, "I put my dreams on hold for my marriage but now I resent my spouse for it." We don't resent our kids for our sacrifices so why do we resent our spouses? Let's start bragging about how we sacrifice for our spouses and brag about how we put our dreams on hold for our marriages. So, my challenge for the week ya'll is let's (myself included) figure out what we can do for our spouse to show some selflessness.


Anonymous said...

Man Kil...I think the biggest thing that I have to do is put my pride to the side. In saying that, I mean I often feel like if I sacrifice too much that I am less of a man in a way. For example, if I don't get that ps3 game that the rest of the crew is up on then I'm out of the loop and it's almost as if I lost cool points! Another example is possibly sacrificing a pair of retro jordans that I really want. It's like, if the jordan 3 comes out i am not passing them up! This topic has really opened me up and helped me to disect my thoughts and make sense of my decisions. So, I've come to realize that I am a lot more selfish than I thought I was.


Kil said...

I feel you fam! It's a growth thing dealing with pride. I can remember this argument Tee and I got into on Valentine's Day one year and I was 100% wrong and it took me 3 hours to be able to say I was sorry! The one thing I've learned in the game is there is nothing positive about pride. Pride will keep you lonely and poor. Pride will keep us from saying "I'm sorry", "I need help", etc. I feel you on the Jordan front too because this summer the orange on black AND the black on white 9's dropped and I couldn't cop them! But over 10 years I've learned the myself and a lot of men base their happiness on possessions (cars, tv's, sneakers, etc.)and we need to base our happiness on our families happiness. I would've spent $300 on some sneakers I probably only worn once or twice over the next 3 years! (I got over 30 kicks I've never even worn!) That $300 that could've put food on the table, paid a bill, paid for Nay's tuition...I'm telling you fam, once you get married and then when you have kids...your life is based on NOTHING but sacrifices! And remember this fam, you're NEVER less of a man for sacrificing, that's nothing but Satan in your ear. Sacrificing truly shows the strength of a man...cause it ain't a easy thing to do!

Shalanda said...

You being prideful and selfish is not just a man thing. I have been called slfish and prideful by a few men that I dated and wanted to date. Like you Kil..I was like whoa..playa what you mean....but I am selfish at times...I want what I want when I want it and don't want to hear no...but you are so that I have realtionship with whole outlook on things have I haven't gotten it all worked out yet..I'm still a work in progress but I see that sometimes I can do and say some selfish stuff when I feel angry or corned. Being a christian is the HARDEST thing that I have ever done...I don't see things and want the same things anymore....and that sometimes amazes me. I pray that God continues to work on me and when he sends my husband...I will be ready. I work so hard at being a "good person" but then to have someone call you out like that..whew a slap in the face. But Iget it what you saying...and this will help me in the future with all realtionships

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