Friday, September 3, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Selflessness in Relationships

The Blacks
I can honestly say that this week’s topic was probably the hardest one for me to write because I had to really take a look at myself and think about how I have been functioning in my marriage. By saying that, I don’t know how my husband even married me! (lol) From the moment I met him, I prioritized things in my life that I thought were more important! When he asked me to be his “girlfriend”, my response was, “well I’m in school and if you understand that school is very important to me and comes first, then we can give it a try”! Now how ridiculous is that, knowing what I know now about my husband, I should have been thanking God, doing a holy ghost dance, and kissing his parents feet for bringing him into this world! I could not have asked for a better mate, but my selfishness sometimes tells a very different story!

Anyone that knows me personally, will tell you that I will give you the shirt off my back, so like Kil, I thought that I was a pretty giving person and no one could truly accuse me of being selfish! However, I started to evaluate my actions and realized that to people that I do not have to live with, may very well agree that I am not selfish, but to the one man that is surrounded by my flaws, may have a very different perspective!

A week before I was married, I decided to tell my husband that I had decided to live in another state to complete my post-doc residency, without consulting with him at all. I mean I signed a contract, renewed the lease on my town home, all before I even sat down with this man to ask for his opinion! (Can y’all believe he married me anyway, nothing but God people). My justification was that, we are not married and I have to look out for me, but he soon made me realize that the moment I accepted his proposal I was making a commitment to learn how to become a wife to him as well as he would learn how to become a husband to me and it was no longer about just me! (Four years later, can we Thank God for growth, can you imagine how miserable this man would be if I was still functioning in the realm of “it’s all about me”)!

The reality about relationships is that we just function and we never really think about checking in to see how our behaviours may affect our mate. Thinking that you are a selfless person means nothing if it is not confirmed by the person that you are in a relationship with. We can lie to ourselves really well, but we are not the one on the receiving end of the selfish acts! Moreover, sometimes the lie about who we think we are is so believable to ourselves that we never fact check with our mates to see just how delusional we can be about our actions! (Lol) So, my challenge to you my friends is to really look at yourself and your actions and try to become a more selfless individual! After all if we are striving to be like Christ or whoever your God may be, then this really should be something that we are consciously working on anyway!

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