Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Bag Lady: Bringing Old baggage into your New Relationship!

The Blacks
We all remember the Eryka Badu jam "Bag Lady" and you are probably singing it in your head right now as you are reading this! That song was such a hit with everyone because you were probably in a relationship with someone with those characteristics or you had to look at yourself and realize that you were the bag lady or man!

When we carry our old experiences into our new relationships, neglect to take the time to evaluate what we learned about ourselves in the old relationship, or realized what we will not accept from our old relationships moving into our new relationships, there is bound to be some baggage! Often times we do not take the time out to do some introspection and look at our flaws. It's so much easier to place the blame on someone else because that's how we defend ourselves from dealing with the uncomfortableness of our mess! As a result, you begin to create tension in your relationship because you are judging your new mate off of an emotion that you felt in your last relationship that has nothing to do with your new mate at all. Emotions are a choice and no one can make you feel a certain way. Whether you have realized it or not, You control how you feel!

Your last mate cheated on you and the first time your new mate does something that resembles what your last mate did, you go to that emotional place, put up your gaurd and you are ready to duke it out with an unsuspecting mate that's now looking at you like "You have Issues"! Truth be told, you do have issues, we all do, it's human nature! As long as you keep participating in different experiences, you will continue to add to the story of your life! However as we mature, we have to be able to look at the lessons from  the past and either let them be our guide to something better or allow them to keep us stuck in a relationship that happened 20 years ago and that person has long since moved on from you!

We have to start looking at ourselves whether it's good or bad and strive for personal growth. The more you invest in yourself to be better, the more able you will be able to function appropriately in a healthy relationship! Introspection should be a quarterly ordeal because we are always changing! Check in with yourself more, work on you and everything else will fall in place!


Shalanda said...

This is very true for me. I thought that I was giving the men in my life a chance but I find myself doing and saying things that I felt that I should'vein my past I try too not too act like I did before or I try to express myself and my words come out harsh. But you know Roz, I have found that it's not just past men aand women realtionships..I carry baggage from the bad relationship that I had or have with my father. So you are right I do check in with myself but it's hard to teach myself a new trick when I lookat this person and feel like I really can't trust them..So yes sistha...I'm a baglady but the first step is admmiting that there is a problem now that I have...I can go about changing matter how hard it seems. What are some ways that you would suggest that I do away with some of my baggage?

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