Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: What do you do when your partner is ready to get married, but you still enjoy your space.

 Dr. Roz's thoughts!
Now this is a great question! I remember when I was engaged, I lived by myself for the first time ( always had roommates because I was in school) and absolutely loved it! I loved only having to take care of me all day! If I didn't feel like making dinner and had a bowl of cereals for dinner that was a good day! lol Only doing my laundry, grocery shopping for me, buying whatever I wanted were the good ole days! However, I would not trade sharing life with my hubby for any of that! Really cereal, shopping, only worrying about myself is not appealing at all when I think about having a strong support system, some one to share my life with, someone to care for me when I am sick, and someone to tell me that they appreciate me regularly! Now don't get me wrong, there are some habits of my hubby that I can do without and I'm sure he feels the same way about me, but those habits are also the flaws of his that I can't live without either. So if this brother or sister wants to marry you and it's an appropriate relationship ( you are treated you well, supported, loved, provided for) , I say go for the gusto! If they get on your nerves that much, designate a man cave and a lady's lounge in your home for those days when you do not want to be bother. By all means, if you want to marry this person and they want to marry you, don't let space be an issue! Space can't support you, help you build a family, nor keep you warm at night!

Kil's Perspective

I think the most important thing is to be honest with your partner. I think you'll have to stress to your partner that you not being ready to get married doesn't have anything to do with how you feel about him but it being about you. I can't front, he may "listen" to what you're saying but not "hear" what you're saying. And what I mean by that is sometimes words get lost in the air and our spouses/partners hear what they wanna hear, not truly what we're saying. It's to the point that when Tee & I are talking about something I start the convo off with my "thesis statement is..." so she understands exactly what's the moral of the convo so she doesn't get sidetracked by what she THINKS I'm saying. I think you need to start your convo off the same way so he can understand exactly how you feel. All I can say is you don't want to except someone's marriage proposal and you're truly not ready to get married. It may hurt your boyfriend's feelings that you're not ready yet but it would hurt him even more to find out he's engaged to someone who's not ready for him. Good looking for the question!

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