Monday, October 18, 2010

Dr. Roz & Kil: Fellas...It's Game Time!!!!!



Go Eagles!!!!!!
Aiight...just a little background on me and Roz that a lot of people don't know....we fight like cats and dogs! Lol...we'll be in the middle of doing a lecteur and Roz will say something and I'm like "what did you just say?" Lol! And she does the exact same to me but it's all good. That's why we're a great team because we're TOTALLY different. But I swear we agreed we'd do the top 5 needs of men and women but after going through Roz's list, I count about 10 things! Leave it to a woman to sneak it an extra 5! Lol! But all jokes aside my article this week is for the fellas and for us to figure out a way to meet a woman's top 5 (I meant 10...lol) needs.

So let's start with the first one, which is making your wife feel desired. I think a lot of times we may not tell our wives how beautiful they look or that we like their hair or their new perfume, but we gotta step up and make sure our wives feel like they're the most important chick in our lives! And on the romance front there are SO many things we can do. We can always surprise our wives with their favorite flowers, send them a card to their job or leave one on the seat of her car, or just give them a foot massage if they've had a hard day. But things like romance really comes down to what your wife likes, so fellas you gotta pay attention to your wife's needs cause I can sit here all day and spew off what Tee likes but that could be the total opposite of what your wife wants. But the moral? We gotta make our wives feel wanted, needed and desired by us.

Next up is communication. I learned in college in this class I was taking that a woman has about 1,500 words to use per day and men only have 500. So by the time we get home from work, we've already used our 500 words, but our wives still have 1,000 left! So to keep up with our wives we're always gonna be behind but that's just part of the game. One of my homegirls once told me to pick out 3 things out of my day and to talk with Tee about them when I get home so that I'm sharing with her. I know most of us men really aren't into talking unless it's something we care about (hip hop, bball, books, records, sneakers for me) but we have to begin to care about the things our wives care about (as hard as that is...lol) so we can have more convos with our wives.

Now onto the next one which is sex...this is one of the many places Roz and I disagree about women wanting sex as much as men. The reason I disagree is because if women want it as much as we do...why does sex always seem to be a problem in marriages? But neither here nor there, according to Roz if we handle the whole desire, romance and communication piece we should be good to go with getting some. But remember we shouldn't be focusing on our wives needs in return for sex because if we do all that stuff and we still don't get any, we'll be looking straight like "I listened to 2 hours of your co-workers problems and I didn't get any? That's the last time I do that!" Both men and women have to focus on meeting our spouse's needs because it's the right thing to do, not so that we can get something in return. Remember we're talking about love here, not the barter system!

Aiight, what's next? Security and providing for our family. I get this and agree with it 100%. We have to make sure that we're making sure our family is safe and secure. I can't think of anything more important than making sure that Tee and Naomi are safe and provided for. Most folk know I got laid off back in July but I make sure Tee knows that not a day goes by that I'm not hustling to make something happen. Whether it's through my music, my writing, this marriage work Roz and I are doing to just trying to find out what God has for me next to just finding a new job. I HAVE to make sure Tee knows that her and Naomi won't EVER have to worry about me being some lazy dude who wants to be taken care of. So I can mos def relate to what Roz is saying. So if you are that dude, who wants his wife taking care of him while you play Madden '11 24/7...come on fam...it's time to man up and be the head of the household God called us all to be.

And last but not least, we got commitment, honesty, love and support. So basically in a nutshell we need to be committed and faithful which I don't think is a tall order. I mean, why are we in a relationship or married if we wanna still be out in the streets messing with side jawns? A huge piece of commitment deals with communication in my opinion and that communication deals with the honesty piece. If you're not happy in your marriage you have to tell your wife about what the beef is and give her a chance to help fix what's wrong. A wise man once told me that if your spouse tells you they're not happy, what they're really telling you is "I'm giving you first dibs on making me happy" but that no one is gonna go through their life unhappy. So men, if you're not happy and thinking about dippin out on your wife, share with her that you're not happy and figure out a way for both of ya'll to fix things so you don't have to get with another shorty and tear your fam apart.

The love and support stuff is what we should be giving our wives but if we're falling short, let's step up front fellas and make sure our wives don't have to doubt or wonder if we love them. To make sure we're doing our jobs, we need to sit down and ask our wives how we can show them the love and support that they need. Too many of us leave that "love and support" piece to chance because WE think we're doing what our wives want and need but we gotta make sure they're satisfied with the job we're doing.

Wow...that was a lot but our wives need a lot and we gotta step up to the plate and make sure we're providing our wives with a lot! So fellas, let's figure out what we're gonna do this week to show our wives some love in the areas that we covered today (too many to mention...lol) and not just to do it this week but how we can do it and keep doing on a consistent basis. Like my dude Lil Fame from MOP would say "it's game time"!

3 comments:

Dr. Roz and Kil said...

Kil, I love this piece!

sam said...

Today, I gave my wife a compliment out of the blue... and subconsciously I know it was just because of this blog.

When my wife were in the kitchen I said something like "your face is glowing and your eyes look really good."

thanks Kil and Dr. R - keep sowing into our lives...

Kil said...

ANYTIME Sam!!!! Thanks for always coming through...you don't know how much Roz and I need to know that the things we're writing are actually touching people!

 
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