Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Why Are There So Many Jump Offs?!?!?!?

Kil's Perspective

Why are there so many jump offs nowadays? Come on ya'll...ask me something hard...that's an easy one!

1. Women just don't care anymore! Truth be told I don't know if women ever cared but in 2010 they REALLY don't care. The fact is there are more women then men so, that means some of these women aren't going to get a man and are gonna be single and I don't know ANY women who want to be single. Now I KNOW women say they're fine with being single and I'm sure some of them actually mean that but I believe it's human nature to want to be with someone and have a mate. And if they find someone they like and they're married? Who cares! That's a small problem that can be solved by simply doing everything he complains his wife doesn't do. I always joke with my homegirls that ya'll (women) need to do a million woman march or something and get women to start caring about this small little convenant called marriage.

2. Wives aren't handling their business! Let me ask a quick question to women, if you see on your local news that there has been a rash of B&E's (breaking and entering) in your neighborhood, what would you do? You would do everything to make sure your home was safe. You'd make sure your home alarm was always set, you'd double check to make sure all of the windows and doors were locked. The moral of the story is you'd protect your home. Well, women guess what? There's a rash of B&E's going in your neighborhood! Women are stealing YOUR husbands! Man up and protect your home! Have GOOD sex life with your husband! Be a friend to your husband! Be a wife to your husband! I'm sure most women haven't seen this Under Armour commercial where a football team is getting hype saying "we must protect this house" but until ya'll have this million woman march, housewives around America need to have a "I will protect this house" rally!

Roz's Perspective

Ladies, I love you, trust me I do, but I have to be honest about this jump off situation! Sometimes your actions keep you as a jump off! Yes there is a double standard in sex and men can sleep with the world and its ok (really it’s not ok), but for us it’s not! Stop giving away so freely what God has designed to be a gift to your mate! When you sleep with that brother on the first, second, or third date, you don’t know him! You have to start respecting yourself so that in turn, they will respect you! I’ve heard plenty of men state, that if she will sleep with me without knowing me, she will do it with another dude and immediately, you get placed in the jump off category. You may be called for a good time in private, but you will never be the girl that gets to enjoy the totality of a relationship, such as meeting the most important people in his life or making steps towards sharing a life together.

Hear me when I say this ladies and trust me I am saying it out of love: “Just Because He Likes What You Do for Him, Does Not Mean He Likes YOU!”

So often we think if we continue to be ride or die for a brother that eventually he will fall for us, but the truth of the matter boils down to this, if a person doesn’t like you, no matter what you do for them, will not change how they feel about you!

If you are the jump off, then let’s discuss a couple of things, 9 times out of 10, he is not leaving the wife! I don’t care how great your bedroom skills are, when he weighs having to pay alimony and child support and then trying to support another relationship, it’s enough to make a brother pause! Let me break it down for you, say he brings in 4500.00 a month, after paying 2800.00 in child support and alimony, that leaves him with 1700.00. He still has to pay for the new place that he now has or he may move in with you, plus food, utilities, and for transportation. At the end of the month, the brother may be left with 2.00 to his name. Trust me, when he has to change his lifestyle because of a jump off, his family appears to be more attractive. He may lead you on and tell you what you want to hear, but trust me if his actions do not line up with his words, then it’s just all talk!

Women see married men and they like the idea that he can make a commitment, not really thinking about that he is committed to someone else. So you do everything that you can do to find out what the wife isn’t doing and you make sure you meet those needs to prove to him that you are better than his wife. Then if you succeed in breaking up his marriage and you two begin to have a public relationship, then you constantly have to worry about whether he is secretly seeing someone else behind your back! Truthfully, it’s not worth the risk of your life (with HIV running rapid), your emotional stability, and oh yeah, now that he has to pay support to his ex wife and children, your finances are effected as well!

So ladies, let’s start making better choices in how we conduct ourselves in relationships and not be so willing to break up another family because we think that we deserve that man more than his current family. If you don’t play the jump off role, then share this message with someone that does! Please don’t think that I am excusing the brothers from this behavior, but they can’t participate in adultery without a willing party, so you are just as guilty. Heavens forbid if you get pregnant in the process! I have provided therapy to way too many individuals that were born out of an affair, or kept a secret because of an affair. It’s not fair to the child and they suffer far more consequences than you can ever imagine, not to mention his children that will be effected by the divorce! If nothing else, please understand that your decisions effect more than you! Don’t let your selfishness be the cause of breaking up families!


Anonymous said...

I've read a few blog posts. I find that Kil's posts tend to accuse the woman/wife of not taking care of her man such that he is not only tempted but acts on that temptation. He can't be serious. So should a man not take care of his wife, then is it ok for her to yield to temptaiton? Because temptation exists no matter what you do as a wife/husband whether it is 2011 or 1911. My thought: an ADULT is responsible for his/her actions. Otherwise you might as well be a CHILD.

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