Friday, November 5, 2010

Female Fridays: Who's Investing In Your Marriage or Relationship?


My Fabulous Mommy, The President of my Advisory Board
I MUST SAY I AM TRULY BLESSED! I have several really good friends that love me and my husband that I can discuss my marital issues with and I know that there is no judgment zone. My parents who have been married for 43 years, always has great advice and my 3 sisters are also there for me, when I am trying to figure out this thing called being a wife! I even have a great relationship with my in laws as well! I consider them all my advisory board because I believe in processing my emotions and trying to see different perspectives about a situation.  Trust me if I am dead wrong, they will help me to see the errors of my ways but they understand why I may respond in such a manner as well, because they love me!  

Frank and I learned only on that you have to have people in your life that are a friend to your marriage. We do not have outside friends. Whoever is his friend is my friend as well and vice versa! I’m not saying that this is what everyone has to do, but this just works really well for us. If we find ourselves venting to our advisory board (of course I have more people that I vent to than he does), we know that they have our marriage as the best interest in mind! It’s not about leave him girl because he is no good for you or leave her because she drives you crazy, but we receive great solid GODLY advice on how to deal with our issues.

Marriage is not the fairy tale that we think it is when we are planning our weddings! I admit I was more enthralled in planning my wedding than what my actual marriage would look like.  3 weeks after being married, I recall being in a grocery store in the meat department crying because I couldn’t decide whether I should buy Frank turkey or ham for his lunch. The pressure of being a good wife in that moment was based on what would my husband enjoy the most and am I doing a great job in this whole wife department! Never mind the 5 years we spent dating and engaged, so I knew his likes, but that did not stop me from crying like I was  in the third grade in the middle of Whole Foods and calling one of my girlfriends and telling her I’m a horrible wife because I can’t make a decision between turkey or ham! It wasn’t until she said buy them both that I realized how silly this whole situation must have appeared to all the other patrons in the store. I can laugh about it now, but in that moment the stress of being a good wife was overwhelming and if my girl did not talk me through my mini little breakdown, I’m sure someone would have called the police on me for disturbing the peace! Lol

I believe in accountability and sometimes when I’m not feeling my husband or he’s not feeling me ( it happens to everyone), my advisory board lets me vent, but they also hold me accountable to the vows that I made and help me to realize different perspectives. Again, I’m blessed because most people will not be honest about the woes of marriage and sometimes you can feel like you are all alone in a situation! You start talking to other married people and you realize that just about every couple is going through what you are going through! That’s why I love writing this blog so much because it’s time to get honest about marriages, so that we can save our marriages.

When you think about it, we sound ridiculous thinking that marriage will always be blissful, there will be hard times! Just because you are going through hard times doesn’t mean that your marriage is a sham! It’s just a test to see whether you can whether the storm. Marriage is a lot like life, there will be disappointments, let downs, and disagreements, but you don’t divorce life when it gets hard, you push through the storm and that’s the same thing you have to do in marriage! Now I’m not saying tell you business to the world, but you have to have someone in your life that you can trust that will help you be accountable to your spouse. Again, I’m blessed because I have a great advisory board, whether it’s through email, blackberry IM, text, or via the phone, there is always a listening ear!

To my advisory board, (you all know who you are) thank you for investing in my marriage and loving my family enough to want to see us through our trials!

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