Monday, November 15, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: How Do YOU Rate Your Marriage?


Tee and I were having a conversation one night about how men feel about their marriages. I was telling her there are three different answers. The ratings system I was using is a 3 being "I LOVE my marriage, 2 being "my marriage is aiight...I'm surviving" and 1 being "I HATE my wife, God please kill her!" I told her I think most men would be number 2 and number 1 being a VERY close 2nd or vice versa. And of course she asked me why aren't there any men who would rate their marriage a 3 and my answer was "I don't know, but you're not gonna find a lot of people (men or women) who absolutely, positively LOVE their marriage.

The majority of men that I know, when I ask them if they got a divorce from their wife or God forbid she passed away, would they ever think of getting married again and 90% of them said "HELL NO!" But when I talk to women and ask them the same question, it's the flip, 100% of them say "yes" without even taking a second to think about their decision! Which makes me wonder, why is that? And keep in mind, these women's decision aren't based off if they rate their current marriage a 3, 2 or 1. I know women who have been cheated on in their current or past marriage NUMEROUS times but they still would give marriage another try. Now, I have absolutely no answer for that one...maybe it's the whole nurturing thing that women have in them. I'll let Roz and our female readers chime in to give me some insight on that one. But let's get back to the program. So why don't most people LOVE their marriage? I think it's because we're not doing what God called us to do.

Let's look at some of the things that God tells us about marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her..." now let's stop right there for a sec. Men, let's be real, like my man Kevin Hart says "real talk", how many of us are REALLY giving our wives the affection DUE to her? Not the amount of affection WE think they need or want but what's OWED to them? Probably not too many of us.

"And likewise also the wife to her husband." Aiight, women...are ya'll REALLY giving your husband the affection he's due? And I'm not even talking about sex! I'm just talking about hugging your husband, kissing him, holding him, etc? 
"The wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

So we're not in control of our bodies anymore, our spouses are. So no one (husband or wife) should be withholding sex from each other or using sex as a bargaining chip in the marriage.

"Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control."

Aiight, so basically in a nutshell, if you're not praying or fasting for something, a married couple should be having sex...period. It's like I've always told women, you can't send your sexless husband out into a world full of hoes and expect him not to be tempted! And then turn around and ask why he fell for the temptation!Don't ya'll know that's who Satan is looking for, horny husbands to tempt? So if you (men or women) decide to hold back sex for any reason from your spouse, PLEASE don't be shocked when someone else is trying to get at them!

Now Ephesians 5:22 says "Wives submit to your own husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband in everything."

Wives, are you allowing your husband to lead you? Are you submitting to your husbands? And before you answer, do me this justice, and ask your husband do you allow him to lead. That way you can tell me the RIGHT answer, not just your answer. Because both men and women have a tendency to think we're doing a lot better at our jobs then we're actually doing.

Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it."

Fellas, we should be loving our wives enough to lay down our lives for them. Now the question is, do our wives feel that kinda love from us? Probably not but ask her and find out.

Why am I putting up scriptures about what God wants? Because I believe that if we're doing for our spouse what God wants us to we'd have more people LOVING their marriages and not just being aiight or praying a bolt of lightening would kill our spouse. Could you imagine how happy a wife would be if she was getting all the affection that was due to her? Could you imagine how happy a husband would be if he got sex anytime he wanted it? Could you imagine how happy a husband would be if he knew that his wife let him lead the family and she had a submissive attitude? Could you imagine how happy a wife would be if she could depend on her husband to lean on God to make decisions for the family? You probably can't imagine these things because most marriages don't live like this. You have wives feeling neglected, husbands horny as hell, wives trying to lead the house and husbands making decisions for their family based off which way the wind blows. But let's close our eyes and imagine a world like this. A world where spouses have the kind of marriages God wanted them to have. Yeah, that would be nice...If marriages were like all the examples I just gave, who on earth would want to get a divorce?!?!?! And I just pulled out a couple of scriptures of what God says about marriage. If we really start diggin' deep in the word, we'll see A LOT more of the blessings that God wants for YOUR marriage!

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