Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Can A Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Dr. Roz’s View

Absolutely marriages can survive infidelity! It takes two dedicated people to want to work on whatever the issues are in your marriage and to recommit to each other! I know easier said than done, however there is a reason why we do what we do! You owe it to yourselves to figure out what went wrong and how you can make it better. Forgiveness is hard, but doable! Regaining trust is hard, but it’s doable and let’s face it, no one can turn off the love you have for your spouse overnight! Yes you may have triggers that will make you think of the cheating, maybe 2 or 10 years after the event, but you have to make a choice on whether you want to move forward or remain bitter. Forgiveness is more for you than it is for the person that wronged you, so you absolutely have power over the choice of whether your relationship will survive or not!

Kil’s View

I think a marriage can survive infidelity if BOTH people are committed to repairing the marriage. I’ve seen a lot of times when the person who’s cheated feels like an apology to their spouse should be enough and that they shouldn’t have to go to counseling or deal with the backlash that comes with cheating. Some folk seem to not understand that SO many things are affected when someone cheats. And if you want your marriage back, the person who cheated is gonna have to work and work hard to get it back. I like to compare cheating to bankruptcy. You screw up and you’ll be paying for it for at least 7 years. Some folk feel like “I did it, I’m sorry, get over it” should be enough, but news flash, it’s not. Oh, if life was that easy. Trust me, you’ll be paying for your cheating, lying, secret life, etc for a minute. And on the flip side, the spouse who was wronged has to still want the marriage enough to go through the painful process that goes along with repairing the marriage, which is no easy task. So, I do believe that a marriage can survive infidelity but it’s gonna be hard work on both people’s part.


Anonymous said...

Yes a marriage can survive with lots of prayer, time, forgiveness, and hard work from both people. My husband started cheating 3 months into our marriage( his 1st, my 3rd & last). I stumbled across the cheating after 5 months. I could not start to heal until he owned the hurt he inflicted on me. We have celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Slowly things are getting better.

Dr. Roz and Kil said...

I am happy to hear that you were able to work things out with your husband. I agree that prayer has to be at the forefront of your relationship when infidelity is in play. Please check back and let us know how you two are doing! We are certainly praying for you and your husband!

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