Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: What Should I Do if My Spouse Doesn't Want to Go to Marriage Counseling with Me?


What should I do if my spouse doesn't want to go to marriage counseling with me and does that mean he doesn't want to be married anymore?

Dr. Roz's Response

It does not neccessarily mean that he may not want to be married to you anymore, he just may be uncomfortable with the idea of telling his business to a stranger. I would encourage you to ask your spouse what his resistance may be in terms of participating in therapy, it may not have anything to do with the idea that it's about you, but again moreso the idea of someone else telling him how to "run" his life. If this may be his reason, Please let him know that this is a myth about therapy and that therapy is not a place where someone solves your problems for you without you doing any of the leg work. As a therapist, we guide YOU in helping YOU to figure out what may be causing you distress. It is not a therapist's job to direct your life, we want nothing more than to empower you to better your life. I would encourage you to still try to communicate with your spouse to figure out the resistance and if he doesn't go to therapy with you, then go by yourself. Sooner or later your spouse will want to know what you are saying about them in therapy and eventually will want to be involved in the process.

Kil's Response

 First, I think you should share with your spouse how important it is to you that you both go to counseling together. If he doesn't budge, then I think you should go by yourself. We both individually brings thing to our marriage, so even without your spouse present you can begin the healing and growing process for yourself. I would then come home and share what your counseling session was about because prayerfully if he sees you growing from the counseling process, maybe he will want to start going with you. And I don't think if he doesn't want to go to counseling with you, that means he doesn't want to be married anymore. It can mean many things, like he doesn't want to share his feelings with someone else or he doesn't feel comfortable sharing in general but you'll have to ask him if him not going to counseling means he doen't love you anymore. Good luck!

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