Monday, December 13, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: What's Love Got to Do With It?

When Tee and I were in pre-marriage counseling, our pastor asked us what was the most important ingredient in marriage. We both thought the answer was love but the pastor told us it was commitment. He told us there would be days and times when it feels like we don't love each other but being committed to each other will be what keeps the marriage together.

So, even though we were wrong with love being the answer, I do believe love is a HUGE part of making your marriage work. But I'm not talking about "worldly love", I'm talking about "agape" love. With "worldly love", the premise is I'll love you as long as you love me and you do what I want you to do. But "agape" love is TOTALLY different. The essence of agape love is self sacrifice. Agape is love which is of God, whose very nature is love itself. Agape love is what is missing in SO many of our marriages. It would be truly hard to fall out of love with someone who's serving you and meeting all of your needs. And if you mix agape love and commitment together we would have a lot more happier marriages and much less divorce.

John 13:34 Jesus says "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. As I have loved you, you should also love one another." This new commandment involves loving one another as Christ loved us sacrificially, even to the point of death. But only God can generate that kinda sacrificial love within us so at the end of the day, if we want the kinda love that can save our marriages and our families, we're gonna have to start hanging out with God more.


Anonymous said...

This is a great concept but what I have noticed (in my personal experiences) is that women tend to better understand this concept than men --outwardly anyway. At what point should a woman who believes and practices agape with their mate (and he is not reciprocating on the same level as her) move on?

Anonymous said...

I got married at a young age (23), against my better judgment because I too believed that as long as one person loves the other, you'll make it through good times and bad. Now divorced by my wife and 31, I have a unique viewpoint of marriage where I am not bitter, but I definitely see where I should have focused on God more in my marriage. Agape love is simply impossible without God. Furthermore, I'll speak for my case only, but my ex-wife admitted that I loved her with agape love, but she couldn't return it, and after a year of trying to, she divorced me. Of course my point is that, we had VERY different relationships with God. Mine was much much more mature, and hers was only a few years old. I thought I could love enough for both of us through the hard times, but that simply was not the case. Hence, why the pastor above mentioned commitment as key.

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