Monday, December 27, 2010

Dr. Roz and Kil: Can Men and Woman TRULY Just Be Friends?


So, the hoopla I've been seeing for the past week and a half is this video of Steve Harvey talking about how men and women can't be friends. And some of my peoples have been hitting me up asking me my two cents on this topic. Well, before I get into my opinion, let's check out what Steve had to say...


So what's my two cents? Well, it depends on the when and the why. If we're talking about single men and women, then I agree with Chris Rock that no man sees a woman and says "I wanna be her friend." If a single man is "really" friends with a woman and wants NOTHING but friendship from her, it's usually for two reasons. Number one, he's not attracted to her or number 2, even if he is attracted to her, she's too crazy to deal with in a relationship. BUT under #2, he still may hit if she let's him but even with having sex with her he STILL may not think she's wifey material and still wanna just be friends...but with benefits.

Now with married folk, I think a true friendship between men and women depends on your committment to your marriage because as a married man/woman you're going to be attracted to other people, but what you do with that attraction is the key to the puzzle. For me, the bulk of the female friends I have to this day I've known for 15+ years. I can count on one hand how many female friends I've added to my circle since I've been married and because I respect my marriage and my committment to Tanya, all I want from ALL of my female friends is just their friendship. Now if you don't respect your marriage or your committment to your family then as a married man/woman you may be trying to have sex with your male/female friends but the moral to the story is I'm sorry to bust Steve Harvey's bubble but yes, men and women CAN be friends, it just depeneds on the circumstances.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like your response sir. However, I have a hypothetical question. Let's say I knew this guy who was friends with a female for like 4 or 5 years, and then when he got married (in October like 10 years ago) he just stopped being her friend with no explanation - no "hey we had a good run but, I can't be your friend anymore" conversation or anything. Do you think that he was ever really her friend? And... how about those Nicks?

Tracy said...

Good post, Kil! I think that men and women can be friends if there are clear boundaries. Like you, I have friends of the opposite sex that I have had for years. There will be full disclosure when I meet the man that I will marry. As for making new friends after I'm married (or my spouse doing it), I don't see a problem with it as long as it's kept at arm's length. If either of them have a problem with doing that, then Houston, we have a problem.

Kil said...

Good looking Trae! It's like you said it's about boundaries and respect when it comes to being married and having friends of the opposite sex. For the first comment, I wouldn't say that dude was never her friend but I'll be the first to admit that us men aren't the best communicators in the world! So, if money just disappeared on the friendship, then he definitely didn't handle it the right way, but if your girl considered him a friend, prayerfully she'll be able to forgive him and blame it on the mind and not the heart.

 
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