How Do I Get My Husband To Stop Being Selfish With Sex?

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice on how a wife can get her husband to stop being selfish in the bedroom.

Should A Married Couple Attend Different Churches?

Dr. Roz and Kil break down should a married couple attend different churches.

My Husband Is Addicted To Drugs!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband is addicted to drugs.

My Husband NEVER Sacrifices For Me!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband doesn't sacrifice for her.

How Do I Tell My Family I'm Marrying Outside My Race?

Dr. Roz and Kil answer a question about marrying outside your race.

Marriage Exposed is the website that talks about what marriage REALLY It's some of the best work you can sign up for but nevertheless, it's work.

Have you ever wondered what you'd get if you took a clinical psychologist and a hip hop producer and gave them a blog that dealt with marriage, relationships and everything in between? Probably not...BUT if you did, then you'd have Marriage Exposed! With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the "hard times" of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed. Send us your questions or comments and join the conversation!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: You Don't Know My Name

Aiight ya''s 2011 and times are changing, so my question for this week it ok for a woman to ask a man out? Like Alicia Keys did in "You Don't Know My Name"...was it cool that she stepped to the dude or did she play herself by not waiting for him to ask her out?

Now, that may sound like a simple question but I know it goes against the grain of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING society has taught us. But I was looking at it like this, I know a lot of single, christian women who are waiting on God to send them a man. And I agree with that statement but is there anything that a woman should be doing while waiting for God to send them a man? I know when we're praying on something, we have to wait on God but we also have to put some work in too. When I was looking for a job, I was mos def praying for one but I also had to put in the effort to look for a job by sending out resumes, checking idealist, etc. So my question is, while a woman is waiting on a man, is she suppose to be doing anything? Is she suppose to be going out more? Should she be actively looking for a man? If she's out and sees someone that she attracted to, can she ask him out? Or is this the one time that God doesn't want you to doing anything but wait on him?

Tee asked me would it be ok if Naomi asked a boy out and of course I said "hell no"! But that's because Naomi is 5 years old! But from having a rack of single homegirls that are over 30 years old and up, from what I hear the dating scene is drying up so it's almost like if you see a good man, you better jump on him asap cause if you snooze you lose! So single women, in 2011 would you ask a man out?

Friday, January 28, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: Hard Times

At some point in our relationships, I think that we will all experience hard times, but it's how you handle it that makes the difference! When I moved back into the DC area after completing my predoctoral internship, my husband was gracious enough to let me take a year off of work! After working 60-80 hour weeks, on call 24/7 for 2 years straight, a sister was tired! We were able to save a year's worth of salary before I took this time off and we thought that we were going to be somewhat ok! We had no idea that the economy would collapse 6 months later!

My husband ended up losing his job, maybe a year later and I was only working part time. We were living off of our savings, his severance pay, and his unemployment for about 8 months. You can only imagine how stressful life became for us. Our relationship with God was tested and so was our relationship with each other. Looking at each other day in and day out trying to figure out how we were going to make ends meet became old really quick. Trying to encourage my husband (who believes that a man should provide for his family) was very stressful. He is the kind of man that will work five jobs before asking me to get one, believes in paying all the bills, and will work any legal job as long as he is able to provide for his family. So watching him become increasingly frustrated day in and day out made us really reevaluate what is important in our lives!

Even though, that was a stressful time, all of our needs were met and even our wants! Sure I couldn't shop weekly like I was use to or planning getaway trips every now and then, but we obtained something much greater! Our relationship with God strengthened as well as our relationship with each other. We began to take notice of how our life became much better because it was simpler and that we found creative ways to have a date night! We began to value each others' presence and our prayer life increased tremendously. Through this process, our true characters through trials and tribulations were displayed to each other and it made us that much stronger as a couple!

When hard times visit your relationship, take it as an opportunity to recommit to each other, to your God and to simplify your life. You will be surprised by what you can live without and how much more important your spouse becomes to your life!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: Hard Times

"Hard times, are spreading, just like the flu..." - Run DMC

Man, it's been a rough ride for a lot of families this past year when dealing with money. So many of my closest friends have been laid off this past year and have really struggled to find another gig. I got laid off in July 2010 and it was a rough six months for my family but I can say though the six months my faith in God held me down. Unemployment was a blessing but 40% of your regular pay is just what it sounds like, 40% of your regular pay! Things were tight but during the whole time, I can honestly say thanks to Tee's love, support and prayers and not to mention my parents, aunts and uncles and friends sending us check after check after check, we didn't sink. When my unemployment was about to run out in November my boss called me to offer me a part time position back with the organization and in two months later he was able to offer me my full time position back which was the blessing my family and I needed.

I believe the key in getting by in these crazy financial times is prayer. You got to get in God's face during these times. Since I've dealt with unemployment before, I kinda know how and when God shows up in my life. Ever since I gave my life to Christ, God always seems to show up in the bottom of 9th inning. 10 years ago when I was unemployed and my unemployment was about to run out God blessed me with a new job at the 25th hour. And throughout those 10 years, even in smaller situations I know God will show up usually right about when everything is about to fall apart. And this time was no different.

Another important thing I did during this time was stay busy. I wasn't sitting around the crib just playing ps3. (even though I did get busy on 2K11) I actually looked at me getting laid off as a blessing and a chance for me to pursue some of my other goals. During those 6 months of unemployment, Roz and I were able to start this blog, I was able to get nice on pro tools and record and mix three albums and I started writing for Couch Sessions and had the chance to interview some of my favorite mc's and singers and regain my love for writing. And truth be told, without me having that 6 months off, I probably wouldn't have been able to get all of those things accomplished. So at the end of the day, I knew God had a plan for me.

And even though I'm back to working and getting my finances back in order, I still have a rack of my friends who are still struggling with these same issues and my mentor Tone always taught me that no matter how good you might be doing, that if your friends aren't doing well, then it's like you're not doing well either. So to all my fellas (and the women) out there who are going through lay offs or yours hours getting cut back or can't find a new gig, just hold tight. Take this time to get closer to God, look at this time as an opportunity to spend more time with your family but most importantly, take this time and just be still and listen to what God has to say to you about what's next in your life. And know Roz and I will be praying for ya'll!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: Upgrade You

Partner, Let Me Upgrade You!
Hey family, it's been a while since you've heard from me, but my mother became ill over the holidays, so I really thank you Kil for holding the blog down while I was away and thank you all for your emails and your prayers! My family certainly appreciates you!

So let's jump into Female Fridays and the notion of upgrading in a relationship. Kil mentioned in his piece that  the young lady that he knew thought she upgraded to a new man, however he was a cheater, but  he spent time with her children and that made him better!. Essentially she moved from one bad relationship to the next, but to make herself feel better about her decision, she needed to conjure up some new value to feel like she indeed upgraded her relationship.

Women are not the only ones that find themselves in this situation. Based on Kil's coworker's theory that all men cheat, then it appears that men are constantly trying to upgrade to something better while in their current relationships as well. What has not been realized is that if you are taking your same "self" into these relationships, then nine times out of ten, you will get the same results in a new relationship!

If you are unhappy in your relationships, then it is time to look at the role that you play in your relationship! Are you picking the same person and if you are, what is it about you that makes you go after that same type? I don't think we do enough introspection before we jump into  new relationships and as a result, we end up with the same result of unhappiness when we are with different people. While I love my girl Beyonce and her song Upgrade You, no one else has the power to upgrade you, you are the only one that can upgrade you! Spend some time with yourself and get to know you, after all if you don't want to spend time with yourself, you can't expect anyone else to want to spend time with you!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: Upgrade U

One of my co-workers told me about her friend, who found out that her current boyfriend was cheating on her but that she wasn't gonna leave him because he was a good father figure to her children, has a good job and treats her right vs. the guys that she dated in her past who also cheated on her but treated her bad, couldn't keep a job, weren't nice to her kids, etc. So, her rational was since all of my boyfriends cheated on me, I might as well stay with the one who treats me right and takes care of home vs. trying to find the man who doesn't cheat (which she doesn't believe exists) and losing the "good man" she has now. 

So, after hearing this I felt like I do when I hear about the kids I work with are selling drugs. I don't understand why they do it but at the same time I DO understand why they do it. So I understand where shorty is coming from but it's just sad she feels that way and that her relationships in the past have been THAT bad that she's willing to settle. But in her eyes, she isn't settling because like I said earlier, she doesn't believe ANY man can stay faithful. This reminded me of this comedy special DL Hughley did a minute ago when he was talking about a woman trying to upgrade from a man who doesn't have a job and the new man she got doesn't have a job AND beats her! 
On our radio show we did on the top 5 beefs men have with women, I brought up that in my opinion, almost every relationship that a woman has had prior to marriage, the dudes they were with were cheating on them. But most women either didn't catch them so they don't know or they just deny the facts. So ladies, if you were in this chick's predicament, and you know that ALL your ex's cheated on you, and now your current boyfriend is cheating to, BUT is good to you in all the other aspects of your relationship, what would you do? Stay or keep hope alive that there's a man out there that can be committed to only you?