Monday, January 31, 2011

Dr. Roz and Kil: You Don't Know My Name


Aiight ya'll...it's 2011 and times are changing, so my question for this week is....is it ok for a woman to ask a man out? Like Alicia Keys did in "You Don't Know My Name"...was it cool that she stepped to the dude or did she play herself by not waiting for him to ask her out?

Now, that may sound like a simple question but I know it goes against the grain of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING society has taught us. But I was looking at it like this, I know a lot of single, christian women who are waiting on God to send them a man. And I agree with that statement but is there anything that a woman should be doing while waiting for God to send them a man? I know when we're praying on something, we have to wait on God but we also have to put some work in too. When I was looking for a job, I was mos def praying for one but I also had to put in the effort to look for a job by sending out resumes, checking idealist, etc. So my question is, while a woman is waiting on a man, is she suppose to be doing anything? Is she suppose to be going out more? Should she be actively looking for a man? If she's out and sees someone that she attracted to, can she ask him out? Or is this the one time that God doesn't want you to doing anything but wait on him?

Tee asked me would it be ok if Naomi asked a boy out and of course I said "hell no"! But that's because Naomi is 5 years old! But from having a rack of single homegirls that are over 30 years old and up, from what I hear the dating scene is drying up so it's almost like if you see a good man, you better jump on him asap cause if you snooze you lose! So single women, in 2011 would you ask a man out?

8 comments:

Brownsuga said...

Faith without works is dead. If a woman is beliving in God to reveal her mate to her, she must also put in work. No, it does not mean chasing after men. But putting herself in situations to be seen by the man that God has for her. I am not a proponent of asking men out. The bible says, "he who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing" Key word, FINDETH. My favorite book of the bible is Ruth... Ruth put herself in position to be found by Boaz. She didn't have to chase him or ask him out. He saw her and he made provision for her.

Kil said...

Good looking for the comment. But school me because I'm FAR from a bible scholar, how did Ruth put herself in a position to be found by Boaz?

Brownsuga said...

She was gleaning in his fields working and minding her business. Boaz asked who she was and when they told her that she was the daughter in law of Naomi who was a distant cousin by marraige to him. He told his servants to let her glean and to leave extra portions for her. In the end, he goes to the closest Kinsman and tells them of Ruth and the obligation that he must fufill. When the closest Kinsman stated that he could not Marry Ruth, it left room for Boaz and Boaz Married her.

Kaycee said...

I'd never ask a man out, but will like the comment above, make myself available in the appropriate places (church-related functions, at the mall, etc,.).

Body language is important and sends a number of signals---hopefully the right one.

However, I will say that it wasn't Ruth that initiated making herself available, it was Naomi. So maybe a hook up is permissible and still found pleasing in God's sight, no?

Brownsuga said...

@Kaycee, right. Naomi was the intial matchmaker. But Ruth didn't have to chase Boaz. She did what Naomi said and he took notice.

Amber said...

Thanks Brownsuga! You said everything almost verbatim that I was thinking. I see it all from a biblical perspective. And like Kaycee said we have to be visible and body language says a lot.

We have to make eye contact, smile, look friendly. I people watch a lot and when I get to church I just observe how SO many women look mean, irritated, arms folded, and daggers are flying from their eyes! Start looking and being friendly. You see a guy, say hello - no harm there.

Since men are visual make sure your hair and gear are tight. Walk with a confident friendly swag, not arrogance. If the man still doesn't approach, something is wrong with him at this point (shy, married, gay, or something else) so be glad he kept walking!

Cherie said...

Okay, I’m 27…so would I ask a man out.....Maybe suggest it! Should we go out more to find a man…No! As a female I don’t believe we woman should have to go out more to find a man, don’t be a hermit, just live your life. I know the male population is scarce and the amount of available good spiritual men is less, just be patient. Yes I do believe in waiting for God to bring the right one. Maybe we haven’t met him just yet because we are so fixated on trying not to be lonely. Maybe if we really enjoy being alone and not think about it 24hrs a day God will deliver that special man via federal express. Now I would definitely initiate conversation, is this considered not waiting? Is it God guiding me to speak to this man? Maybe I am the one this man asked God to send him.

Jeane said...

I once considered myself old fashioned but as the years have gone by and the big 30 is around the corner I have adapted the attitude of do what feels right for you. I have reached the point where I'm comfortable to ask a guy out but that doesn't mean that its the route for everyone. I have to agree with Cherie dont fixate let go and let God. Finding that someone special is to precious to be entrusted to us mere mortals...lol so let the big guy handle things and live life and love will follow. He never gets it wrong ;-)

 
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