How Do I Get My Husband To Stop Being Selfish With Sex?

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice on how a wife can get her husband to stop being selfish in the bedroom.

Should A Married Couple Attend Different Churches?

Dr. Roz and Kil break down should a married couple attend different churches.

My Husband Is Addicted To Drugs!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband is addicted to drugs.

My Husband NEVER Sacrifices For Me!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband doesn't sacrifice for her.

How Do I Tell My Family I'm Marrying Outside My Race?

Dr. Roz and Kil answer a question about marrying outside your race.

Marriage Exposed is the website that talks about what marriage REALLY is...work. It's some of the best work you can sign up for but nevertheless, it's work.

Have you ever wondered what you'd get if you took a clinical psychologist and a hip hop producer and gave them a blog that dealt with marriage, relationships and everything in between? Probably not...BUT if you did, then you'd have Marriage Exposed! With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the "hard times" of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed. Send us your questions or comments and join the conversation!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Sensual Sundays: The Best of Raheem DeVaughn


I first got put on to the “R&B Hippie Neo soul Rock Star” aka Raheem DeVaughn from Philly’s own DJ Jazzy Jeff’s “Magnificent” album. His song “For My Peoples” caught my ear and my man Apex was like “if you like D’Angelo, you’ll mess with Raheem." So, I started diggin’ through his mixtapes and was feeling the music and appreciated dude’s grind. This cat was dropping mixtapes more than some of your favorite rappers were and even though nowadays, that’s the norm for these R&B cats but back then that was unheard of and it was Raheem who pioneered that.  With three dope albums under his belt and too many ill mixtapes to mention, it wasn’t hard at all to put together this best of Raheem DeVaughn slow jam mix.

Tracklisting:
Guess Who Loves You More
Love Drug
Believe
Customer
B.O.B.
Prototype
Calling Me
Mo Better
You
She's Not You
Is It Possible
Bedroom
Empty
Believe (Live)

Link:
The Best of Raheem DeVaughn's Slow Janws

Instructions On How to Download:
#1 - Click the link that will take you to sendspace.com and click the blue button that says "click here to start download from sendspace." DO NOT click any other "download" buttons.

#2 - Pick the destination of the download (exp. Desktop, C drive, My music, etc.)

#3 - Once the file is finished, it's in a zip file and you'll need to unzip it. Right click the zip file and click "extract" and it will pull the music out and put it in a regular folder with the mp3 files.

#4 - At this point you can play the files from your computer but if you want to burn them to CD put the mp3 files into your itunes, real player, etc. library and burn them to CD and enjoy!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Kil: Just To Get A Rep

“Stick up kids is out to tax” – Greg Nice

If ya’ll didn’t know, I’m from Philly…the home of the stick up kid. Now, some of ya’ll might be asking “what’s a stick up kid?” Well, simply put, a stick up kid is someone who’s out to take, what you’ve got. I’ve lived in Philly, Baltimore, Decatur (trust me, these a HUGE difference between Decatur & “Atlanta”) and stayed in Brooklyn and Harlem, and there’s no doubt in my mind, that Philly is the “official” home of getting robbed. And that’s absolutely no disrespect to the home of the Wire, ATL, uptown or the county of kings, cause I’m sure in ALL of those spots I just named, you can mos def get robbed…just not as fast as you’ll get robbed in Philly. Gangstarr’s “Just To Get A Rep” (which just happens to be my favorite GangStarr song) dropped around the time when I was in 10th grade and I was dating this chick who lived in the Nicetown section of Philly and to get to her crib I had to take a bus and a train and walk (or I could take another bus, but the chances of getting robbed goes up while waiting for a bus) 10 blocks through one of the illest parts of Nicetown and every weekend when I did this, “Just To Get A Rep” was my theme music in my head. So, to survive in my hood as well as traveling throughout Philly’s most infamous stick up spots (Ogontz Ave, Broad & Olney, City Hall, etc.) I had to learn to keep a constant eye out for stick up kids. It also didn’t hurt that a lot of the cats that I ran with were stick up kids themselves, so they would school me on what they were looking for when they were plotting on somebody. And even though I’m FAR removed from the parts of Philly that I grew up in, that sixth sense of knowing what and who’s around me at all times still lives with me to this day. And if ya’ll have those same instincts (and if you don’t, you better get ‘em), ya’ll better start using ‘em cause stick up kids are STILL out to tax….just instead of trying to steal rope chains, dookey earings, 8 ball jackets and alpinas they’re out to steal our families.

Don’t believe me, bet money that at least 3 outta 5 of the peoples in your crew are either cheating or being cheated on. The same way that back in the early 90’s I could bet money that at least 3 outta 5 cats (if not all 5) were getting robbed in my neighborhood late night after that 10pm movie at Cheltenham Mall let out at midnight and cats were waiting on the 6 bus to go back home. Why can I bet money on that? Cause cats have been plotting on other people’s stuff since day one. You think it’s a coincidence that “thou shall not covet” is one of the 10 commandments? So keep in mind that somewhere, someplace there’s somebody out there who wants your spouse. Yup, that spouse that you treat like a 2nd class citizen and take for granite cause ya’ll been together for a minute. Yup the one who you think that nobody else wants…that one…yup, somebody’s plotting to scoop them from right under your nose. So stop sleepin’ cause the only time my dudes who had that sixth sense got robbed out in the streets was because they were sleeping. Yeah, they knew about the stick up kids but they got lazy and stopped paying attention and Nas told us all what the cousin of death is. So to all ya’ll husbands and wives out there ya’ll better stop sleeping before you’re crying cause you got your ish took.

And then there’s the other side of the game, cause you got two different folk when it comes to getting robbed. You got the cats who get robbed and just take the loss and then you got your thug dudes, who go back to the crib, get that hammer and go back out and get their stuff back by ANY means. So this week’s challenge is to anybody out there who’s gotten their stuff took, to man up and go back out there and get your stuff back! Your husband or wife not coming home? Go find 'em and bring ‘em home. Your teenager’s acting a fool? Man up and go get your kids back. I hear too many people talking tough about everything they would do blah, blah, blah and then somebody takes their stuff and they just go home and cry and start talking that non sense like “well, if they were really mine, they’ll come home.” Man, get off that bullshucks and come with that rough ish like Hurricane G told Redman! Folk gotta come to the reality that sometimes you’re gonna have to go and drag your husband up out the strip club and when you get him home, YOU give him a lap dance and give him a reason to not make it rain on Honey, Candy and the rest of those strippers with your child’s college fund. You better go grab your wife from happy hour or the club with hers girls and take her home and start spending some quality time with her. You better go down to the corner and drag your son or daughter home and start paying them some attention. So, for my peoples out there who’s got some stuff missing out your crib, all I gotta say is stop acting like a punk and go get your stuff back and don’t forget, as long as you got nice stuff… those stick up kids are out to tax.
 


Kil

About the author:

Kil is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

Follow him @ Twitter | Website | Facebook

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Support: The Couple


One thing some people may not know about me is that I'm an independent artist in EVERY sense of the word. Whether it's my music, my photography, my videos, my documentaries, etc. I've got a million hustles so prayerfully one day my wife and I won't have to have the conventional 9-5. So as an independent artist I know the importance of needing support all too well but at the same time I try my best to support other independent artist who are on their grind. Since getting my feet wet in the documentary/short film game I've come across Kickstarter which is a website where independent artist can ask for support for their projects. Basically the artist sets a monetary goal and if that goal is reached in a certain amount of time they get to keep the money but if the goal isn't reached in that amount of time, they don't get anything. So if the goal is $25,000 and they only get $24,999 before time runs out...they get nothing.

The first Kickstarted project I supported was called "Life Essentials with Ruby Dee" which is about the life of Ossie Davis & Ruby Dee which is being directed by their grandson Muta' Ali. Even though it was a relatively small amount I donated to film, it felt good to know that I was a part (even if it was a VERY small part) of making sure this documentary got made and I'm glad to say they met their goal of $50,000 and the documentary will be able to be completed. Last night I came across a new Kickstarter project for a movie being made called "The Couple." (which is directed by Dennis Dortch, the man behind the GREAT independent film "A Good Day To Be Black and Sexy") Now, if ya'll aren't up on "The Couple" PLEASE visit their You Tube Channel cause their web series is HILARIOUS but at the same time it deals with serious situations that ALL couples go through. And since the web series has such a huge following, they've decided to take the series to the next level and start shooting a movie. And just like any other independent project, they need funding. So if you feel led to support this project you can click on the icon to the right of the page (from time to time I'll be posting Kickstarter projects that I think ya'll should support) and help make sure more QUALITY black films are made!
 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The G Spot: Marriage Should Be Treated Like A Business

It's funny when I say that "Marriage should be handled like a business", people have different ideas of what I mean by that statement. I was talking to my wife, Lisa and she told me she didn't like when I say that. She says that its sound cold and emotionless. I had to laugh at that but I understood what she meant. Its not that I'm being cold or anything like that but through my own trial and error, I understand marriage is much more than just falling in love with someone. Those are things that happen when you start getting to know someone or as I call the year of dating "the honeymoon stage." Most times its all good in the honeymoon stage but after year one is when its starts to GET REAL! 
 
The business aspect of marriage consists of a lot of different things. First let me, say this going out with someone and being married to someone is two completely different levels. Thats not to scare off any singles in fact, it gives something to look FORWARD to. For women, one of the greatest things I've learned as a man is to provide them with a sense of security & commitment. Nothing says that greater than marrying them. Now for any successful business, you must have a plan to succeed. Not only that, but you must meet the needs of the BUSINESS (i.e. meeting the needs of your spouse whether it be spiritually, emotionally, mentally & physically.) If you are not willing to do these things, how can your business be a success? Often times, in business the demands or needs of the people change or shift and part of your job is to pay attention to these things and be able & willing to adjust accordingly. That doesn't always mean you'll always make the right decision at first but as long as you put your best foot forward and show the effort, chances are your successes will outweigh your failures.
 
So to follow up on my wife's idea of me sounding cold and emotionless with my opinion of the business of marriage, I'm actually being the opposite. In BUSINESS, the objective is achieve your goal & provide the best product possible. So I feel like when you have a spouse, you should want them to be the BEST they can be, push them to that limit & help them achieve that success. Remember, your spouse represents you wherever you go, even when your not around. If your spouse looks good and feels good, then they do the same for you & thats ALWAYS GOOD BUSINESS!!!




Gregg Pickett

About the author:

Gregg is a freelance writer from Philadelphia. Gregg recently celebrated his 6th Wedding Anniversary and he speaks to a lot of the things he didn't originally know in the beginning of his relationship and hopes that he can share that knowledge with those who are striving for better relationships so they can avoid some of the pitfalls he has encountered.

Follow him @ Twitter

Monday, September 24, 2012

Living Single: I Do! (Or Do I?)


I've known Amber Thompson for years! (not to mention she's my wife's best friend) I first met Amber cause we had a class together at Morgan State back in '94 and since we were both Boot Camp Click heads (Black Moon, Smif 'n' Wessun, Heltah Skeltah, OGC) we always had something to polly about. Over the past 15+ years she's proven to be an asset to my family through being a sister to my wife and a god mother to my daughter and for those two things, I'm forever grateful. I reached out to Amber to write for "ME" because she's currently single and wants to be married but she's doing what most folk don't do, which is waiting on God to tell her who to marry. So I mos def wanted her two cents around these parts to prayerfully help other singles out there make better choices. Because if there's one thing I've learned in counseling couples for the past 5 years is that when you're desperate to get married, you make horrible decisions. And when you make horrible decisions about who to marry, you 9 times outta 10 end up with a horrible marriage. And to take a line from those Dish commercials on TV, "don't end up with a horrible marriage!" So, next up to bat is Amber and her take on looking at the marriage vows and making sure singles REALLY understand what they're getting themselves into.

When my friends at Marriage Exposed asked me to team up with them as contributing to their singles column, I must say I jumped at the chance! As a single woman and co-leader of my church’s singles ministry, I am very interested in talking to other singles about their relationship experiences and expectations from a realistic point of view. With divorce rates soaring at an all-time high, there are still many singles (including myself) who would like to be married one day. The way we see it as singles (and some married people can relate), many of us desire to be married while a lot of married people wished they were single! 

So for my first entry here at Marriage Exposed, I decided to explore the traditional wedding vows one at a time to encourage marriage minded singles to seriously consider the vows before getting to the altar! 

 Vow #1: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband (or wife)”


When a couple decides to marry, the hope is that both of you have sought God not only about your fiancĂ©e, but about yourself as well. Remember, not only are you agreeing to take this person as your spouse, but that person is also deciding to take you! As my pastor recently pointed out, we are quick to point out what God has told us about someone else, but what is God telling you about yourself? Here are some questions to consider about you and the person that may be your “lawfully wedded husband/wife”: 

1. Did God tell me at any time during our relationship that this is the woman or man that I will marry or am I doing this because “if feels right”? 

2. Am I selfless enough to be a wife or a husband or is marriage really something to fulfill my needs and wants? Am I ready to go from “I” to “We”… “Mine” to “Ours”? 

3. Do we share the same values and beliefs? 

4. Am I marriage material? What do I bring to the table? 

5. Do I know my significant other’s overall character and who he/she is at the core? 

6. How does my significant other handle arguments and disagreements? 

7. My future husband or wife has thousands of dollars of student loan debt and I’m debt free, am I willing to accept this? Is my mate agreeable to attend financial counseling before we get married? 

8. Am I willing to be a step mother/step father? 

 9. Do I respect my future spouse? 

10. Does my future spouse respect me? 

These are a few tips just to get you thinking. You may have your own questions you’re considering. I’d love to hear your feedback and any tips you’d like to share! Check back next month for Vow #2 – To Have and To Hold From This Day Forward! Until then check out the book “Before You Do: Making Great Decisions That You Won’t Regret” by TD Jakes. It offers practical, godly advice for those making major decisions. 




Amber

About the author:

Amber is a freelance writer living in Hampton Roads, Virginia. After giving her life to Jesus Christ over 12 years ago, Amber obeyed the urging of the Holy Spirit to serve others who are in need. Amber often meets and encourages single adults to make smart personal decisions that will lead not only to wise relationship choices, but also improve the overall quality of their lives.

Follow her @ Twitter

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Kil: Soon As I Get Home

I’ve NEVER been a dog person. My grandmother’s next door neighbor gave me a pitbull when I was 10 (he used to bred & fight pits) but someone stole him off her back porch and ever since then, I haven’t rocked with dogs. Then one day I’m home watching TV and this ASPCA commercial came on and I asked Tanya “how did they get that Puss ‘n Boots effect on the dogs eyes like that?” And she’s like “you mean, like they’re sad?!?!? I’m like “yeah.” And she tells me, "well...they are sad!” And I’m like “dogs have feelings?” And from that point forward, I’ve been a dog person. Naomi had been buggin’ me about getting her a dog for YEARS but I wasn’t having it…’til now. So, 2 weeks after seeing that commercial, we had a 6 month old Yorkie (pure bred…I don’t play that mixture stuff) named Boots…who has become my partner in crime. This dude is ALWAYS with me! It’s to the point that when I get a new CD and I wanna ride with it blasting it with the windows down, Boots is 9 times outta 10 with me. In a nutshell, Boots is my dude. And the most amazing thing to me about Boots is when I come home from work, this dog is running down the steps and breaking his freaking neck to get to me! He’s jumping on me, licking me acting like he hasn’t seen me in weeks. When in reality, he just saw me 8 hours ago. And we, as husbands and wives should treat our spouses like that when they come home from work.

One of my first beefs when me and Tee first got married, was when I would come home from work (I would get home about a hour later then she would) and she would be on the phone and she would just keep talking. And I’d be like “yo, your husband just got home from work, I need you to get off the phone and show me some love.” I don’t even think she had a beef with getting off the phone, I just don’t think she realized it was that important to me. I’ve even had to teach Naomi the same thing, that when Daddy comes home from work, you stop WHATEVER you’re doing and come give me a hug. It’s to the point in our house that whenever someone comes in the door it’s almost a damn foot race to get to the person to greet them and then they gotta fight through 2 people and a dog hugging, kissing and licking you (the dog does the licking) to welcome them home. And I’m not sure if a lot of people realize how important that can be to their spouse. (both husbands and wives) I LOVE coming home from work, a video shoot, studio session, etc. cause I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I’m gonna be greeted with love from my entire family, but I know a lot of husbands and wives who NEVER feel loved when they come home, while they’re home, when they leave the crib, etc. and that’s a problem. THIS is why some husbands and wives dread coming home and they end up working late, going to happy hour with their crew, going to watch the game at sports bars or they just take Jay Z’s advice and start acting like an adult and start having an affair with someone who makes them feel love.

So my challenge for all of the husbands and wives out there this week (yeah, I’ll be challenging ya’ll AND myself every week) is very simple, when your signifigant other comes home, stop what you doing and greet ‘em, kiss ‘em, hug ‘em and make sure without a shadow of a doubt that they feel loved like my crew does for me everyday.




Kil

About the author:

Kil is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

Follow him @ Twitter | Website | Facebook

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Intelligent Life: A Friend Is A Friend 'Til The End


To be honest, I can't remember when I met my dude Beezo. I actually think I heard his name before I met him. It was probably back in '94 when I started hosting Morgan State's hip hop show and the program director used to always talk about how ILL this dude Beezo was on the beats and I just remember being like "I gotta meet this dude." I mean, cats were talking about him like he was some urban legend who didn't really even exist! So when I finally meet him I was expected this him to be crazy arrogant like "yeah, I'm that dude." When in reality he was one of the most humble and down to earth cats I EVER met. At this time I was just starting to really get into making beats and Beezo and my dude Sha both took me under their wings to school me on the beat game and I'm forever indebted to them for showing love. Now ya'll may be like "that's cool and all but what any of this gotta do with marriage?" Believe it or not, it has A LOT to do with marriage, cause you do know that one of the most important attributes in marriage is humbleness right? And Beezo's got the humble game on lock.

After I graduated Morgan I lost touch with him but through the wonderful world of Facebook we linked back up and I was blessed to see that 3 of his kids that he had while we were at Morgan back in the 90's were all now in college! Now sleep if you wanna but that's a HUGE accomplishment and I'm proud of my dude for that. And on top of that he just got married to his wife this past January and they just had their first child together and I mos def salute my dude for handling his business. So with all of that said, check out Beezo's first piece of many for Marriage Exposed.

“A Friend is a Friend ‘til the End”

I used to think marriage was for suckers. The idea of putting stake in an institution that results in 50% of divorces was a waste of time to me. Now I did have proof that a relationship can work well without marriage because my mother & father were separated for most of my life & my father had been with the same woman for as long as I could remember without being married so it just seemed to make perfect sense. I'd seen aunts & uncles get re-married & divorced, sometimes having children before calling it quits, so again, the proof was in the pudding. As I got older & went through a myriad of relationships, and I mean I had had almost every type of relationship with women imaginable, I began to slowly alter my opinion of marriage. Then out of nowhere I met someone who would forever change my attitude about marriage altogether.

I met my best friend. That's it, that's what it took. As I met her family & close friends it only strengthened my feelings for her. In the past, I couldn't stand being around either family or friends if not both but for the first time, I found myself wanting to hang out with her family & friends. That may not be necessary to falling in love with your partner but it certainly helped because during tough times in our relationship it only made the decision to work through the tough times & fight for the relationship an easy decision. That's an important aspect though because I don't care how good your relationship is, at some point there will be some bumps in the road. During these occasions your love & patience will be tested but the thought of losing a love, a best friend AND a beautiful family will make you want to fight for what's important to you.

The whole point I’m making is, friendship is one of if not the most important aspect to a positive working relationship. We cherish our friendships but somehow look at them differently compared to relationships. The truth is though, they’re one & the same. If you’re married to one of your closest friends, chances are you both will share a level of patience & understanding with one another that will make it easier to grow together. So don’t go out looking to find someone to marry. You go out looking to make a best friend.




Brian Hamilton

About the author:

Brian “Beezo” Hamilton is a producer and writer from Mt. Vernon, New York. Brian recently married the love of his life and they share a daughter, Aylen together. Brian has 3 other children he fathered who are all in college. His hope is to share what he has found in his marriage to help others strengthen the bond with their families also.

Follow him @ Twitter

Monday, September 17, 2012

Dr. Roz and Kil: Guests on WHUR's He Said, She Said


This past Thursday September 13th, me, Dr. Roz and Mia (our publicist/manager/aka she kinda does EVERYTHING for us!) were guests on WHUR's show "He Said, She Said" hosted by Renee Nash and The Coach where we were chopping it up about will women date men without college degrees. The show airs on Wednesday September 19th at 1pm on XM Radio on channel 142 and as always, me and Dr. Roz had a MILLION jokes with Mia, Renee and Coach so check us out! But in the meantime, check out some shots we got up...






Dr. Roz, Candace aka The Supa Dope Produsa & Kil



Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Sensual Sundays: Marriage Exposed Mixes #1


Aiight...to celebrate the kick off of our new site Marriage Exposed, I cooked up #1 of our slow jam mixes that we'll be dropping from time to time. So download the mix, throw it on CD, pop it in and sit back and relax and spend some quality time with the one you love reminiscing, singing along with some of your favorite old school slow jams and doing stuff that's reserved for married folk!

Tracklisting:
Loving You - The O'Jays
If Only You Knew - Patti LaBelle
As We Lay (Midnight Mix) - Shirley Murdock
Ready or Not - After 7
Silly - Deniece Williams
My First Love - Renee & Angela
Baby Be Mine - Miki Howard
Don't Go - En Vogue
Where Do We Go From Here - Johnny Gill and Stacy Lattisaw
Something In My Heart - Michel'le
Very Special - Debra Laws
Sukiyaki - A Taste of Honey
Gentle (Calling Your Name) - Fredrick
In The Mood - The Whispers
All Cried Out - Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Adore - Prince

Link:
Marriage Exposed Mixes #1

Instructions On How to Download:
#1 - Click the link that will take you to sendspace.com and click the blue button that says "click here to start download from sendspace." DO NOT click any other "download" buttons.

#2 - Pick the destination of the download (exp. Desktop, C drive, My music, etc.)

#3 - Once the file is finished, it's in a zip file and you'll need to unzip it. Right click the zip file and click "extract" and it will pull the music out and put it in a regular folder with the mp3 files.

#4 - At this point you can play the files from your computer but if you want to burn them to CD put the mp3 files into your itunes, real player, etc. library and burn them to CD and enjoy!