Monday, September 24, 2012

Living Single: I Do! (Or Do I?)


I've known Amber Thompson for years! (not to mention she's my wife's best friend) I first met Amber cause we had a class together at Morgan State back in '94 and since we were both Boot Camp Click heads (Black Moon, Smif 'n' Wessun, Heltah Skeltah, OGC) we always had something to polly about. Over the past 15+ years she's proven to be an asset to my family through being a sister to my wife and a god mother to my daughter and for those two things, I'm forever grateful. I reached out to Amber to write for "ME" because she's currently single and wants to be married but she's doing what most folk don't do, which is waiting on God to tell her who to marry. So I mos def wanted her two cents around these parts to prayerfully help other singles out there make better choices. Because if there's one thing I've learned in counseling couples for the past 5 years is that when you're desperate to get married, you make horrible decisions. And when you make horrible decisions about who to marry, you 9 times outta 10 end up with a horrible marriage. And to take a line from those Dish commercials on TV, "don't end up with a horrible marriage!" So, next up to bat is Amber and her take on looking at the marriage vows and making sure singles REALLY understand what they're getting themselves into.

When my friends at Marriage Exposed asked me to team up with them as contributing to their singles column, I must say I jumped at the chance! As a single woman and co-leader of my church’s singles ministry, I am very interested in talking to other singles about their relationship experiences and expectations from a realistic point of view. With divorce rates soaring at an all-time high, there are still many singles (including myself) who would like to be married one day. The way we see it as singles (and some married people can relate), many of us desire to be married while a lot of married people wished they were single! 

So for my first entry here at Marriage Exposed, I decided to explore the traditional wedding vows one at a time to encourage marriage minded singles to seriously consider the vows before getting to the altar! 

 Vow #1: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband (or wife)”


When a couple decides to marry, the hope is that both of you have sought God not only about your fiancĂ©e, but about yourself as well. Remember, not only are you agreeing to take this person as your spouse, but that person is also deciding to take you! As my pastor recently pointed out, we are quick to point out what God has told us about someone else, but what is God telling you about yourself? Here are some questions to consider about you and the person that may be your “lawfully wedded husband/wife”: 

1. Did God tell me at any time during our relationship that this is the woman or man that I will marry or am I doing this because “if feels right”? 

2. Am I selfless enough to be a wife or a husband or is marriage really something to fulfill my needs and wants? Am I ready to go from “I” to “We”… “Mine” to “Ours”? 

3. Do we share the same values and beliefs? 

4. Am I marriage material? What do I bring to the table? 

5. Do I know my significant other’s overall character and who he/she is at the core? 

6. How does my significant other handle arguments and disagreements? 

7. My future husband or wife has thousands of dollars of student loan debt and I’m debt free, am I willing to accept this? Is my mate agreeable to attend financial counseling before we get married? 

8. Am I willing to be a step mother/step father? 

 9. Do I respect my future spouse? 

10. Does my future spouse respect me? 

These are a few tips just to get you thinking. You may have your own questions you’re considering. I’d love to hear your feedback and any tips you’d like to share! Check back next month for Vow #2 – To Have and To Hold From This Day Forward! Until then check out the book “Before You Do: Making Great Decisions That You Won’t Regret” by TD Jakes. It offers practical, godly advice for those making major decisions. 




Amber

About the author:

Amber is a freelance writer living in Hampton Roads, Virginia. After giving her life to Jesus Christ over 12 years ago, Amber obeyed the urging of the Holy Spirit to serve others who are in need. Amber often meets and encourages single adults to make smart personal decisions that will lead not only to wise relationship choices, but also improve the overall quality of their lives.

Follow her @ Twitter

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