Monday, October 15, 2012

Intelligent Life: A Just Cause

There are a multitude of aspects that impact how both sexes pursue, view & behave in regards to marriage. Most men don't grow up dreaming of their wedding one day while on the other hand many young girls do exactly that. For me, as a young boy I never once thought about my wedding day as far as I can recall. I thought about how hot my future wife would be but never about the actual wedding day.

At the same time I can recall my older sister taking things like her junior prom so serious that it made me wonder, if her junior prom means this much to her, I can't even begin to imagine how serious her wedding will be. The whole point of what I'm getting at is that understanding things such as this about one another can eliminate many misunderstandings & frustrations between the sexes while maintaining a marriage. Certain dates & events can hold a lot more sentimental value to women than men. That is an obvious understatement.

One year for my birthday my wife, who was still my girlfriend at the time, planned an elaborate celebration for my birthday. While it obviously showed how much she cared, it almost became a point of contention because I have always preferred a very low key birthday celebration. Going out to dinner was always the most I ever wanted. It was early in our relationship & it was a difficult lesson for both of us to learn, but we both realized at that moment that we were very different when it came to such things. Now any man who has a clue would at least assume his better half wants way more pomp & circumstance than he does when it comes to important dates so I knew better than to think that she would prefer a low key celebration like I would.

What I was able to do instead was begin to enjoy making a habit out of mixing both of our preferences for her big days. I preferred going out to dinner so I would plan dinner at a really nice restaurant that she'd never been to. I knew she loved Broadway plays while I despised musicals. So I'd compromise, take her to a stand-up comedy show or to a funny non-musical play. There's a saying, do things for a just cause never just because. For the men, that is a golden rule to live by in any relationship let alone marriage. You can't just go through the motions & partake in things she likes just to make her happy. If you're miserable while she's trying to enjoy herself it takes some of the fun out of it for her. If you compromise & come up with things that she likes that you can also enjoy, the planning & the pomp & circumstance just add to her happiness. Then while you're genuinely enjoying yourself doing something that you planned for her, it makes it even more special for her.

A residual effect of this approach is over time you may find that you actually enjoy some of things that she holds dearly. This approach has taken us to comedy clubs, small venue music performances, plays & some extravagant restaurants. Ultimately a marriage is supposed to be about two people coming together as one & I can promise all the guys out there, this approach will absolutely help you get to that place.

Brian Hamilton

About the author:

Brian “Beezo” Hamilton is a producer and writer from Mt. Vernon, New York. Brian recently married the love of his life and they share a daughter, Aylen together. Brian has 3 other children he fathered who are all in college. His hope is to share what he has found in his marriage to help others strengthen the bond with their families also.

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