Friday, October 26, 2012

Dr. Roz and Kil: "If There's No Dough...There's No Date Part 1"

Dr. Roz & Kil answer one of their follower's question about what should she do now that the guy that she's been dating lost his job and no longer can afford to do nice things for her?


Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

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7 comments:

Somer Morrison said...

I have to agree with Dr. Roz. I am a single woman but I have no problem taking a guy that I am dating out to do the things that he has done for me. It comes with the 50/50 part of a relationship no matter how short or long we may have been dating. Alot of women listen to their girlfriends realizing later on that the advice that they are giving is the same advice that keeps THEMSELVES from being in healthy relationships and they are single themselves. I know some guys that will test a young lady in that same way just to see if they will ever come off their high horses and try to return the favor. It is all about investments. I mean I'm not talking about Ruths Chris every week or something like that but just like Dr Roz stated you can do something creative to keep the momentum going in the relationship because if you think you are not suppose to do things like that or dont want to you will probably miss out on a good guy because of you being so inconsiderate. That mans ego is already crushed because he is not working and then you leaving on top of that because he cant wine and dine you as before can become alot on a mans mind and heart. Its like kicking him while he is down and you dont want to be THAT woman that does that because then that can evolve into trust issues that he will have to deal with down the road with other young ladies. Question what if he got another job making more a couple months down the road? Would she try to pick up where they left off then? If she would shes not worth it because shes only looking out for what he can do for her and not what she can do to improve the friendship/relationship

Kil said...

Good looking for the comment! I see exactly what you and Dr. Roz was saying. I think for me I'm still stuck in the "old school" way of thinking that the man just pays for everything ALL of the time! The ONLY reason I agreed with the chick was because they weren't "officially" together. If that was her "man" then I would've been rocking with you and Dr. Roz. To me that title gets you extra benefits. And I know as a dude, that we come out the box trying to impress and sometimes we bring stuff on ourselves. For exp. if a guy asks a chick on their first date to go to Ruth Chris, should the chick say "no, that's too expensive let's do McDonalds?" I don't think she should. So if a guy is trying to impress a chick cause he has money then it shouldn't be a big deal with spending the money. And if a guy is fronting like he has money to try to impress her then he should stop fronting and let her see who he really is. I do think we should begin to school the younger generation of women that once a guy is your "man" then there's absolutely nothing wrong with treating him to stuff too. I'm just BIG on titles. Thanks for the comment!

Somer Morrison said...

See but thats the thing. I dont feel like we should have the titles for me to do nice things for you and vice versa. Show me how you are when you arent in a relationship and I will show you what the benefits CAN be. I mean dont get me wrong I'm not going to be paying for the first date (dude has gotten let go for doing that) but after time has been invested I dont think there is anything wrong with me helping out till he gets back on his feet and then when he does every once in a blue moon. I'd rather pay for us to do dinner and a movie and spend time together than to do it by myself just because I dont want to pay for you.

Dr. Roz said...

Great point Somer! Reciprocity in a relationship does keep the relationship going! Just as she mentioned that she might look like she is a gold digger, her actions appear to line up with her statement. We can't expect others to do for us what we are not willing to do for them! Oh and thanks for agreeing with me by the way! One down for me Rahaman Kilpatrick! lol

Dr. Roz said...

Great point Somer! Reciprocity in a relationship does keep the relationship going! Just as she mentioned that she might look like she is a gold digger, her actions appear to line up with her statement. We can't expect others to do for us what we are not willing to do for them! Oh and thanks for agreeing with me by the way! One down for me Rahaman Kilpatrick! lol

Carla Jordan said...

Wow...ummm....where to start. First, I'd like to shout out Kil for this website and dialogue. Just stumbled upon it on FB...
I agree with both of you to a certain extent. 4 months is my timeline to determine whether it's a relationship or not also. Things will usually start to break down around that time or get more serious. I think the thing that Dr. Roz didn't mention was that a lady who is looking to be in a relationship should OFFER to pay long before four months. However, most men who are in a position to pay for the date, will not consider accepting the offer until they are somewhat committed to the relationship. So if she hasn't offered up until this point, the man will probably feel some kind of way if she starts offering now. Even if he accepts her offer...
The other thing that should be considered is the circumstances that led him to be unemployed and how is he handling the situation. If it was caused by his irresponsibility and he isn't actively looking for something, anything to make ends meet, then she should RUN, RUN for her life... It's a delicate walk trying to let a man be a man when we think they need our help...I think she should let him know she's still interested by suggesting free or very cheap dates. He may not want to do those either because he's trying to figure out his bigger issue of finding another job and he really just met her. In that case, she may just need to leave him be and if it's meant to be, he will look for her when he gets himself together.

Kaycee said...

I'm gonna agree that the woman should not leave him if everything else is great. State of employment is temporary. If I'm really digging him, who cares who's paying?

 
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