Monday, December 31, 2012

Intelligent Life: Communication

I know it's a common saying that communication is the key but marriage may be the greatest example of that. So many problems can be avoided with proper communication. I say proper because I've known couples that talk all the time but when it came to making plans or working through disagreements, they rarely were on the same page. So just because there is some communication, it doesn't mean it's proper communication. 

Sometimes in order to have great communication, you have to have some foresight. In other words, you need to see some things BEFORE they become an issue. Great communication will eliminate those issues before they mushroom into a major problem between a couple. I've said before how important it is to stay away from saying things that you can't take back but it doesn't have to be something hurtful or mean that can create the issue. It can be something as simple as replying to a question from your significant other with, "hells to the no." 

I know this because I've been the one in a relationship who has behaved like that & I've seen firsthand how that one response can impact multiple situations. The fact that I was rude & adamant about my feelings led the other person to assume that it would be a waste of time to even ask if a situation similar arisen. This led to hidden feelings of hurt, disgust & frustration. In my defense however, I was always good at being honest about my personality in the beginning of a courtship so that it gave the other person a chance to decide how far they wanted to take things. I would then make a point of reminding her over time of my habits because very often in the beginning, during the "Honeymoon" phase we all tend to hear what we want to hear. So if you're enamored with the other person, you may not want to hear things that don't put them in a good light even if it's coming directly from the horses mouth. 

One other aspect of good communication is being comfortable in expressing how you feel about one another. It may sound strange to some but there are certainly people who have a difficult time saying how much they care for someone. It's easier for some to express it through their ways & actions as opposed to their words. Be honest with yourself without having to go through some kind of counseling session about how you are in a relationship. If you're the type who doesn't express themselves through words, then by all means, let your significant other know this. It can avoid a lot of confusion for the other person. 

I can remember back in the day, meeting a woman, getting her phone number & trying to decide when was the right time to call. As I got older & more mature, I stopped caring about how it looked & called as soon as I had a chance. The way I saw it was I stopped her & got her information for a reason so why play the game of, "is it too soon to call" or "I don't wanna seem thirsty." I mean, I was attracted to her enough to stop her, spark up a conversation & then get her number so after all of that, now I'm going to pretend that I'm not THAT interested. It made no sense to me. The same night I met my future wife I called her. I didn't see the sense in waiting since we had had a nice long interesting conversation face-to-face. Point being, it was a way of communicating to her that I was definitely interested. I followed that up by asking her to join me on an errand run into NYC. Nothing flashy just some alone time in my car to talk some more. More communication. All of this contributed to her taking a greater interest in me because if nothing else, I didn't seem to have any of the hangups that so many other guys did. It promoted an air of confidence not thirst. Evidently it worked since we are now married & have a 5 month old daughter together. 

Again, the main point I'm driving home here is the importance of proper communication. So many problems & issues can be avoided by applying that to your relationship. Don't wait until you're knee deep in an issue, have the foresight to see it coming & discuss it while there are a minimal amount of emotions involved because if you wait until after the problems have arisen they can escalate faster than you can imagine. Of course, you have to be honest with each other but as equally important, be honest with yourself about your own tendencies & habits. I truly believe that my wife would tell you that one of the things she loves about me is that I communicate things well & take the initiative when it comes to solving problems. No relationship is without its up & downs but proper communication can create way more peaks & lessen the valleys.



Brian Hamilton

About the author:

Brian “Beezo” Hamilton is a producer and writer from Mt. Vernon, New York. Brian recently married the love of his life and they share a daughter, Aylen together. Brian has 3 other children he fathered who are all in college. His hope is to share what he has found in his marriage to help others strengthen the bond with their families also.

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1 comments:

Anonymous said...

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