Friday, March 15, 2013

Life After Loss: The 5 Dating Commandments

The big bad world of dating can be intimidating at times, can't it?  Getting ready for a first or second date can feel like preparing to go into battle at times.  Folks gear up with a prepared speech of their life goals, assets, dreams, along with their checklist of qualities that they are looking for in a mate.  This method can be quite boooooooooring, if you ask me.  What ever happened to just casually getting to know each other?  I find that the pressure of dating can be absolved by simplicity.  You are trying to get to know each other; wouldn't it be much simpler if we dissolved the confinements of dating?  By confinements I mean the formalities, i.e. dinner and a movie.  Bleeeeeeeeh!  How can you get to know someone by sitting next to them for two hours in silence?  Dinner becomes about the caliber of restaurant that she is taken to, for her; and, how much do I want to spend without the promise of sex, for him.  I think that both men and women should throw the rules of dating out the window and just take it for what it is, getting to know someone that MAY potentially add something to your life.  Now everyone is different, we all have different standards and deal breakers but at the end of the day, I think we all want the same thing.  We all want honesty, a certain level of class, and we just want it to be easy.  My dating tips are based off of simplicity, is what I think is the problem with love nowadays.  Folks have just forgotten the simplicities of love; it shouldn't be difficult to make your partner happy.

First off, reserve dating ONLY for people that you REALLY want to get to know!  This whole dating different people, several times a week because I'm bored and have nothing to do is a losing battle.  When you date people, "just because" and they don't match up to your liking, just seems like it would leave me with a hopeless feeling.  "Here we go again, another loser" And leaves you questioning, "Are there really any good men or women left?"  The answer is yes, but dating just to date can ONLY leave you with a disdain towards dating.  Eventually, you would be programmed to going on dates with an expectation of negativity.

Second, women MUST drill into their brains that men are VISUAL creatures!  Take it how you want to ladies, but it is what it is.  Men like any and everything that is shiny and new.  Ladies MUST delve into themselves to find that light and confidence that a man cannot resist.  No, not every woman can be a size 5 but wear what you have well.  Carry that thang with confidence, sweetness, and most important, humility.  Doesn't matter what shape or size you are, if your light is bright, it will shine through and through.  You cannot be standoffish, arrogant, or timid, and please, dig deep into your sense of humor ladies; men are silly and sometimes test you.  For men, aahh men lol, YOU have to pick up on her vibe and cater to her mood.  I know y'all are not mind readers, but unfortunately we, yes me too, expect y'all to be.  If she is not throwing a sexual vibe at you, then don't go there.  You don't want the curtain to close before the show starts! I know y'all can't help it sometimes, but its reeeeeeeeally a turn off to some women, sorry.

Third, go somewhere casual to take the pressure of the formality off.  Meet at a bar for drinks or something light to eat, or do something interactive, like bowling, shooting pool, or mini golf for example.  Somewhere where you can talk, laugh, play and get to know each other.  Not only are you able to find the fun side of that person, you also get a glimpse of their attention span.  Can he or she focus on you and only you with others running around?  Also, a casual setting gets rid of the "spending" issue.  Neither party feels that they "owe" anything to each other.

Fourth, BE YOURSELF, not what you think he or she wants you to be.  Discuss morals and ethics to see if you at least have a foundation.  Rome wasn't built in one day and neither is a relationship.  Take time to ask the IMPORTANT questions.  Do they have or want children, what is their relationship like with their parents, siblings, where did they grow up, do they like sports, etc.  Finances are not necessarily important to ask about.  That you will observe in the time getting to know him/her.  Just because they have money doesn't mean they will spend it, just because they spend it doesn't mean they have it.  I understand people want a comfortable life, but it’s really the drive, ambition, and the support system of a person that equals success.

Fifth, be HONEST about what you want, UP FRONT!  Do not be afraid to chase someone away with your honesty.  If you are not a very sexual person, then acknowledge it and do not judge the other person if they are.  We are animals at the end of the day and actually function off of pheromones.  Ladies, there is nothing WRONG with him being attracted to you.  I mean, that’s why he asked you out and you are his trigger.  Just DON'T lead him on, if he has reached the friend zone, then accept it and move on.  Recognize that any time you spend with him, even though you may have said, "we are just friends" a thousand times, is seen as an opportunity to finagle his way into your heart.  Men, same thing.  It shouldn't be about what someone can do for you or keeping someone in your "back pocket" for a just in case situation!  Treat people how you would like to be treated!

Love is a majestic melody that should entrance you; it is overwhelming and cannot be denied.  The chemical balance that is achieved when you find the right partner should give you a glow that can be seen from miles!

Lisa Bell

About the author:

Lisa is a freelance writer living in Florida. She was born in Canada but raised in New York and is from Indian decent, Trinidad actually. She moved to Florida in 1990 and has been working in corporate America for 16 years. She has two amazing children, a 15 year old son and 10 year old daughter and she is a widow. She enjoys reading, writing and socializing.

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