Friday, April 19, 2013

Living Single: Approved or Denied

Anyone who has ever applied for a credit card, home mortgage, or car loan more than likely had to undergo a pre-qualification and pre-approval process in order to determine their credit worthiness. During this process, potential lenders evaluate factors such as salary, payment history, employment, and previous residences when deciding whether or not to extend us a line of credit. Similarly, many singles conduct a pre-screening process of sorts in order to determine an individual’s date worthiness!

Long before rapper Teyana Taylor hit the scene a few years ago with her song “Google Me,” single people often relied on the internet as a tool to find out pertinent information about potential mates based on our very own eligibility criteria. For women who kept a check-list of what they wanted and didn’t want in a man, it’s as if their work was significantly cut in half with the emergence of social media sites and on-line public records. But is it good or bad when singles choose to pre-screen dates? Here are a few of my pros and cons of using the internet as a pre-screening tool:

1. The ability to confirm someone’s marital status if he or she swears they’re single but your gut tells you otherwise.

2. Checking someone’s criminal history as a safety measure. If a person makes you feel threatened or uncomfortable and/or you simply cannot accept the fact that he or she has a committed a crime of any kind, walk away and don’t second guess your decision.

1. Checking someone’s criminal history with malicious or judgmental intent. I listed this as a “con” (no pun intended), because of how the information can be mishandled. Having worked with ex-offenders for nearly 10 years now and knowing firsthand the grace and power of God, I have learned that people can and do change. It’s unfair in my opinion to stigmatize a person who has verifiably changed his or her life.

2. Pre-screening for shared interests, professional and academic similarities. So what if you find out from his FB page that he only has an Associate’s degree, a blue collar job, and hates game night. Relax and enjoy the nice evening out that he planned for the two of you!

3. Keep in mind that YOU may be disqualified based on what someone has learned about you on-line! 

4. Finding out information about someone on-line beforehand makes you feel like you already know that person and you really don’t. How awkward would it be to tell your date something about themselves that they have not shared with you yet?? Now you look like a stalker!

Have I pre-screened dates? Sure, but generally following an initial uneasy feeling that he wasn’t being truthful when we met. My thought is that if it’s justified, go for it. If you find something that doesn’t sit well with you and you are otherwise interested in the person, at least give them a chance to tell you about it.

 Let me know what your thoughts are on this subject! Til next time…


About the author:

Amber is a freelance writer living in Hampton Roads, Virginia. After giving her life to Jesus Christ over 12 years ago, Amber obeyed the urging of the Holy Spirit to serve others who are in need. Amber often meets and encourages single adults to make smart personal decisions that will lead not only to wise relationship choices, but also improve the overall quality of their lives.

Follow her @ Twitter


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