How Do I Get My Husband To Stop Being Selfish With Sex?

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice on how a wife can get her husband to stop being selfish in the bedroom.

Should A Married Couple Attend Different Churches?

Dr. Roz and Kil break down should a married couple attend different churches.

My Husband Is Addicted To Drugs!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband is addicted to drugs.

My Husband NEVER Sacrifices For Me!

Dr. Roz and Kil give advice to a wife who's husband doesn't sacrifice for her.

How Do I Tell My Family I'm Marrying Outside My Race?

Dr. Roz and Kil answer a question about marrying outside your race.

Marriage Exposed is the website that talks about what marriage REALLY is...work. It's some of the best work you can sign up for but nevertheless, it's work.

Have you ever wondered what you'd get if you took a clinical psychologist and a hip hop producer and gave them a blog that dealt with marriage, relationships and everything in between? Probably not...BUT if you did, then you'd have Marriage Exposed! With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the "hard times" of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed. Send us your questions or comments and join the conversation!

Friday, May 31, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: I'm Having Insecurities In My Marriage Since My Husband Cheated

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's question on how she can get past her insecurities in her marriage.




Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Monday, May 27, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: I'm Married And I Can't Get Laid!

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's question, about a wife who can't get any sex from her husband.

 


Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Phynyx Ministries: Phynyx Ministries 1st Annual Red Tape Gala


I am so excited about our Red Tape Gala Fundraiser which is an event that publicly celebrates the work of Phynyx Ministries and its many supporters. “Red Tape” represents the angry silence that many Survivors feel and harbor within that must be removed. At the Red Tape Gala, we will honor 5 women who have blazed a trail in the fight to end sexual violence with the "Blaze of Power" Award. We will remove our silence and speak up and out about not only the injustices experienced, but also the freedom from breaking the silence.

The Red Tape Gala will be on June 14th, 2013 at Martin Valley's Mansion in Cockeysville, MD 21030. Tickets will be available for purchase beginning March 9, 2013. You can purchase tickets here or by emailing me at phynyxministries@gmail.com. We will be blasting information out regarding this event on all of our social media sites, which include Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and SocialCam, so please keep an eye out for it. I am looking forward to seeing you there!

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy


 



Angela Wharton

About the author:

Angela D. Wharton is a woman of enormous faith and is the visionary, founder and leader of Phynyx Ministries, a faith inspired advocacy and support program for survivors of sexual assaults. A survivor of a sexual assault herself, Angela is a devoted wife and mother of two young girls on an unchartered mission of healing, wholeness, empowerment and love.

Follow her @ Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | Website

Friday, May 24, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: Is My Boyfriend Using Me?


Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's questions, is my boyfriend using me?




Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Kil: Hard To Say I'm Sorry


Why is it so damn hard to say “I’m sorry.” And I’m not talking about no fake I’m sorry just to shut the person up but a true to life, I’m actually really sorry. While Nay was eating breakfast this morning she was watching Hannah Montana (she’s in throwback mode) and Jackson was talking to his dad and he told him “I already said I’m sorry, you want me to really mean it?” And how many of us think that way? One Valentine’s Day, me and Tee got into this HUGE argument at The Cheesecake Factory about my spending habits and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was right…that is til I got home and checked the checkbook and I was completely wrong. I sat on the couch for a good 2 hours before I could muster enough energy to get up and go to apologize…even though I knew I was dead wrong. So what was the problem? Pride was the problem.

The definition of pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Wow…the sin from which ALL others arise. I’m here to tell cats that there’s NO WAY on earth that you can have a successful marriage if you’re full of pride cause that's gonna stunt you marriage’s growth quick fast and a hurry. And to be honest pride is the reason why a lot of our relationships (family and friends included) are screwed up right now. The funniest thing to me about saying I’m sorry is I’ve seen folk do literally EVERYTHING to try to say I’m sorry…without saying I’m sorry! You know how many times me and Tee were beefing and after hours of not speaking , I walk in the room like “you want something from the store?” What I’m really saying is “I’m sorry” but since folk absolutely refuse to muster those words, me offering to get her something from the store is a peace offering that I (the key word in this sentence is “I” ) want her to take as an apology. But at the end of the day, it’s not an apology.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." - Proverbs 11:2

There have also been a RACK of times me and Tee have been beefin' and I'll feel like God is telling me to go upstairs to squash it but 9 times outta 10 I've told God, no thanks. (I always think me telling God “no thanks” is better then me just saying “no”) Then hours later when I’m (there’s that word again) finally ready to apologize or squash the beef, now she’s looking straight, which in turns pisses me off even more that I (there’s that news van again…my Philly folk will get that joke) swallowed my pride (but I swallowed my pride when I wanted to, not when God told me to) and now she’s pissed?!?!?! Which just makes the anger and the argument last even longer then what it should have lasted. What I’ve learned after 13 years of marriage, is that when God tells you to do something, you should do it. Don’t be like me and say “no thanks” because maybe when God is telling me to move, He may also be opening up Tee’s heart to forgive me and to accept my apology but if I wait two hours til I feel like doing it, now Tee’s heart is closed. Everything in this game of life is about timing. When a quarterback is throwing a pass to his receiver, that receiver is only open for a split second, throw it too late or too early it’s an incomplete pass or an interception and you don’t move anywhere down the field, you just stay in the same place. In fact, if the ball's intercepted you actually lose ground.

"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." - Proverbs 13:10

And to be honest, that’s what a lot of us are doing, staying in the same place, moving backwards or not moving anywhere in our marriages because a.) there’s too much pride involved and b.) we’re not moving when God tells us to. So about 5 years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution (I only make ONE every year and I’m proud to say I've kept ‘em all) that I would start admitting when I was wrong. And I took that resolution on full force. I was calling cats saying things like “yo, you were right and I was wrong…Miami should've have taken Dwayne Wade over T.J. Ford” (what can I say? I was a HUGE Texas fan at the time) to actually going to family members (who I felt hurt me) asking for forgiveness based on if I did anything to offend them. I can now say 13 years later that I’m a MUCH better apologizer (is that a word?) then I was when I first got married. First, I had to first understand AND grasp God’s placement for me as the head of the household of my marriage and family and two, I had to come to realize that I couldn’t be a great leader if I was SO prideful that I couldn’t admit when I’m wrong. So, ya’ll already know what this week’ challenge is. If you’re beefing with someone, reach out just to say “I’m sorry.” (not “do you want anything from the store”) Even if you feel like you did nothing wrong, say “I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry for whatever part I played in our friendship not being what it was.” I’m telling you, once you learn to keep your pride at bay, you’ll have SO much more peace in your life…trust me on that.

BTW, this one of my favorite songs EVER! I literally sat here with this song on repeat for over a hour while I wrote this. What can I say? My moms raised me on Chicago’s music!



Kil

About the author:

Kil is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

Follow him @ Twitter | Facebook| Instagram | | Website 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Chrysalis: Computer Love - Is That Your Face I See, On My Computer Screen?

Computer Love: Is that your face I see on my computer screen?

Dating in the technology age. Part 1: Creating a dating profile.

So at age 34 I found myself single for the first time in my adult life. I was encouraged by some to get out there as soon as possible and meet someone new. I was even told that the quickest way to get over one man was to get under another. WHAT?? How was that supposed to alleviate me of the pain of a breakup of a 17 year relationship? Luckily, I had other friends (one in particular) who guided me to my faith and encouraged my healing in a healthy way. So after over a year of introspection, prayer, healing, and working on myself and the finalization of my divorce, I decided to try dating. I have experienced some mind boggling, surreal, and ridiculously hilarious people and situations. I have also met quite nice people and made some friends along the way.

Seeing as the majority of my friends were married, I really didn’t know any single people (aside from the ones I met in DivorceCare). I needed someplace where I could meet a wide range of people. Hello internet! I signed up for the typical dating pay sites (you’ve seen them advertised), and found them too expensive for the results I was getting. Really, I was being matched with people I already knew. I don’t need to pay for that. Also, they were all redundant. Like me, everybody was on every site. I cancelled all pay subscriptions and turned my attentions to the free sites and that is where the fun began. Now, I know that some people have the stigma of internet dating is for freaks and serial killers. Not so. But Laura! What about that whole Craigslist Killer horror? Easy. Don’t look for dates on Craigslist! Really people! Over that last 2-3 years I have tweaked my profile and get great feedback. Yes, I am still single. I’m a very busy single mother. I activate and deactivate my profile as my life dictates. Sometimes I don’t have the time to cultivate a possible new relationship. Oh well.

First off be single! No fianc├ęs or spouses. If you are separated, wait until your divorce is final. Separated people have at the very least, legal issues. Legal issues, cause emotional issues. Emotional issues cause bad relationships. Save yourself the pain. Be single!

Step 1: Sign up for the dating website of your choice. For pay sites, if there is a way to opt out of the automatic renewal, do that. Nothing like forgetting to cancel before they charge you again.

Step 2: Upload some photos. Now this is very, very important. If you refuse to have your picture on your profile, you will get little to no interest. My theory is that if you don’t have a picture, then someone is monitoring you. Someone like your WIFE! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

You need three pictures minimum. 1. A nice face shot. Smile in your pictures. If you have nice teeth, or eyes, or dimples, or whatever, potential dates want to see your face without a hat on. 2. A full body shot, and not from 50 yards away. A profile with all face shots puts forth that you are not comfortable in your own body. Size, height, missing limbs, whatever. Put it out there. 3. A photo doing something you love. If you love riding bikes, walking your dog, dancing, tight rope walking, or reading, show something.

Picture Don’ts: 1) Now when I say put it out there, I do not mean your cleavage or other provocative photos. This is for men as well as women. Keep your clothes on. If you want it to show that you are athletic, show some biceps. Show yourself doing something athletic. 2) Pictures with the opposite gender, no one can tell if that is your sister or cousin or whomever. 3) Pictures with someone obviously cropped out (we can still see that badly photoshopped arm around you). For real? The only good picture you have of yourself is with your ex? Next! 4) Pictures with children. I know your kids are gorgeous. Or are those your nieces? Either way, it’s the internet. Don’t post pics of your kids. 5) Pictures of things that are not you. Unless you are a decepticon, I don’t believe that beamer is actually you. Neither is that dog or that sunset on the beach. Stop it.

Step 3: Fill out the profile questions. Either be truthful or outrageously dishonest (for humor). Just remember humor in the basic profile questions doesn’t always play well. Fill out the “about me” section. This is where things can go very wrong. You want to keep this area, short, sweet, and to the point. Remember sweet. That means not angry. DO NOT WRITE A PROFILE IN ALL CAPS. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE YELLING AND VERY ANGRY. IT IS ALSO A PAIN TO THE EYEBALLS!

Spell check and punctuation people! It is vry herd gto reed sumting that is spelld horbly wong Did u evn tayk da tym to reed this mess urself U R also a full grown adult Y R U riting like dis… NEXT!!!!!!!

Don’t fill your profile with the things you don’t want. Three paragraphs maximum. What do you like to do on your free time? Etc. Keep it positive and light and welcoming. Keep the poetry for a later date. Have a friend proofread it. I’ll proofread it! You are done, now it is time to post it.

But that’s not all!!! The truth about internet dating responses:

1. For every message the average male gets, the average female gets approximately 10. If she has a great profile then her numbers go up. What this means is that there will be a lot of no replies for you guys. Do not take it personally. It is not a sign of bad social graces. She just did not choose you at this time and it is unrealistic to send a rejection notice to everyone who sends a message. If a person doesn’t answer, then either they are not interested, not online, or reserving you for future reference. Keep it moving.

2. Men get less messages as well because women want men to make the first move. So she may favorite your profile or send a flirt or wink. If you get any of those notices, it’s your move buddy.

3. There is a sequence of events: Some messaging on line. Then exchange of numbers. Then phone talking/texting. Then meeting. If on your first message you send your number and say call me, that most likely won’t happen. Not enough input to risk having to put someone on your block call list.

Let me know your internet dating woes or triumphs. Send your stories to me at Enter The Chrysalis.

Stay tuned for Part 2: Keeping it cool and level-headed on the internet.



Laura Hernandez

About the author:

Laura Hernandez is an energetic, divorced mother of twins. She is a hypnotist, motivational speaker, life coach and unintentional comedienne. Through sharing her life story of tragedy, struggle and overcoming against the odds, she strives to encourage every person she comes in contact with to transform their lives and live in hope, love, happiness and wholeness.

Follow her @ Twitter | Facebook| Website

Monday, May 20, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: How Important Is Love In A Marriage?


 Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's question about how important is love in a marriage?
 


Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Friday, May 17, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: How Do I Tell My Family That I'm Marrying Out of My Race?

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's question about how she should go about telling her family that she's marrying outside of her race.



Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Kil: Forgive Them Father

One day at bible study my pastor was teaching on how we're called to forgive folk since Christ forgave us. And since I’ve never fully understood that, ya'll know me…I raised my hand like "church folk are always talking that forgiveness stuff like it's SO easy to do. It’s much easier said then done." And my pastor shot back that forgiveness isn't hard to do, it's getting past the hurt that someone did to us...THAT'S the  hard thing to do. And after hearing that, I was floored like that's an ill point and it got me thinking, exactly how do you get past that hurt? So, since I’m part of the crew who has to learn how to forgive and get past the hurt along with the rest of ya'll, I’ve come up with three starting points that have helped me in my journey with getting past the hurt that I wanted to share them with folk. 

The first step in getting past the hurt is to let the person who hurt you...know that they hurt you.

Too many people are beefing with their spouse, friends, family and these folk have NO idea that you’re even mad at them or that they did something to hurt or offend you. I don’t know if we don’t wanna admit to someone that they have that much power to hurt us or what but from coaching couples with Dr. Roz, I’m always shocked at how many spouse are totally lost to the fact that their significant other is pissed off with them or they’re still hurt by something they did years ago. We HAVE to let folk know that we’re hurt! A lot of times we assume that if someone hurt us that they did it on purpose and sometimes that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Sometimes we get hurt and that was the last thing that person was trying to do. There are too many times when stuff like this comes out and the other person gets on their “yooooo…I had NO idea I hurt you. I’m so sorry” jawn. And in some instances an apology was all you were looking for in the first place but how can somebody apologize to you if they had no idea you were pissed off in the first place? Trust me, if you really wanna get past the hurt, you gotta start by talking to the person who hurt you. 

The second step is understanding that getting past the hurt may not be something that happens overnight. 

I realized that when I was growing up that whenever I did something wrong and I asked for forgiveness, the person forgave me. So guess what that did to me? It made me think that anytime I say “I’m sorry” that I’m gonna be forgiven, RIGHT THERE on the spot. So you could imagine my surprise when I did something that hurt my wife’s feeling and I told her I was sorry and would she forgive me and she told me “I don’t know.” I was like…”what happened?” I never heard someone say that to me and I’m sure most of ya’ll haven’t heard that either…or at least haven’t heard that prior to being married. This is one of the reasons why when someone cheats in a marriage a lot of  times the person who cheated doesn’t get why the incident keeps being brought up. Usually someone cheats and asks for forgiveness and the other person forgives them. So the person who cheated thinks, “cool, this is over cause he/she forgave me.” Wrong. Trust me, it’s FAR from being over. Now of course, I’m speaking from the side of the person who did the hurting but for the person who’s been hurt, they may feel the same way that I was explaining earlier but just the flip. That when someone says “I’m sorry” that your first reaction should be “I forgive you.” And a lot of times if you’re dealing with an issue that really hurt you, forgiveness AND getting past the hurt is going to take time. And you need to understand that as well as the person who hurt you.


The third step is to completely grasp the concept that God forgives us….and we’re called to do the same. 

I know Rick Ross comes from the mind set of God forgives, I don’t and trust me, I’ve gone (and still go on a regular basis) to that place numerous times throughout my life, but at the end of the day, it’s what we’re called to do…no matter how much we don’t want to. 

“Be kinds to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32 

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”  - Matthew 6:14-15 

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matthew18:21-22 

Now don’t get it twisted, forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to welcome the person who hurt you back into your life. It just means you’re giving up the right to punish that person for what they did to you. Cause guess what? If you don’t forgive them and get past the hurt, all you’re going to do is take that hurt and pain into your next relationship and we’ve got TOO many folk out here messing up their current relationships cause they never took the time to work through their past issues. The problem is a lot of us don’t want to give up that power that we now have to punish this person cause we wanna get them back for hurting us. But guess what? It’s not our fight…it’s God’s. So my challenge for ya’ll this week is to get started on the process of getting past the hurt and pain and forgive somebody…and trust me, I KNOW personally that it’s easier said then done.




Kil

About the author:

Kil is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

Follow him @ Twitter | Website | Facebook

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

The Chrysalis: If That Were My Kid...

If that were my kid... 

We have all been there. A store, a restaurant, a library. Someone’s child exhibiting unwanted behavior. Making you shake your head in disbelief and disgust and either in your head or out loud you say “if that were my kid, I would….”. I’ve been there. I am the mother of a lovely, gifted boy with Autism. Asperger’s syndrome to be exact. Over the years, I have had to deal with challenging behavior and the knowledge that something is just not right. It was compounded by the fact that he has a twin sister and the side by side comparison was jarringly different. Moreso than the fact that girls are generally more mature than boys. More than the “boys will be boys” mentality. I always knew something was not quite the same. He was six years old before he was finally diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and then I had clear direction on how to help him. You would think with my background in behavior management, counseling, and working intensively with children with developmental disabilities (including autism) and his father being a psychologist that we would have a leg up and on this. Not so. Not at all. Not even close. Every parent has to go through the whole grief process of what we wanted for this child. Now throw in the mix a very contentious divorce and things can get quite “interesting”. Our children are almost ten now and we are just barely getting our footing in “cooperative parenting”. Nearly five years after separating. That surely has not helped either child, but we are a work in progress. Who knows what it will look like in five more years. 

Nowadays, people meet him and when they hear he is autistic. I get responses similar to these… “But he doesn’t look autistic”, “If he does have it, it’s only a little bit”, “But he’s so smart”, “He doesn’t act autistic”. Now for those who really know me, know that I am almost purely made of sarcasm and snark. I really have to override that to respond to these statements in a purely educational way. There is no look, you either have it or you don’t, why can’t he be smart, it is not an act. 

Darrien is considered High Functioning. Although, that does not garner him any social points where he is the most difficulty. Body language, facial expressions, and figures of speech mean nothing to him. He does not learn that from his interactions. They are taught to him mostly by me. What comes natural to most in dealing with others is not natural to him. He understands extreme emotions such as anger and joy, but the ones such as frustration or aggravation are totally invisible to him. When he is speaking to someone and they back away, he steps forward to continue the conversation. He has trouble with eye contact so has learned to look at peoples noses for the most part. Sounds can be too loud, light too bright, certain fabrics painful to him. Most days he loves to hug, some days if I pass my hand over his arm he will cry out in pain. These experiences have led him to screaming fits, head slapping, constant motion, insomnia, inconsolable crying, etc. More often than not, these adverse reactions happen in public because I have no control over the environment and how much input he gets. I see the shaking of heads, I hear the “if that were my kid” comments, I’ve even been told that I should leave an establishment and come back when he is better or to just stay home.


I am that mother who seems to not notice that her child is screaming at the top of their lungs while she finishes making her purchases. I am that mother who has her screaming child sitting in a corner at Target and waves at you with a smile on her face as you pass by with a scowl. I have things that must be done. They will get done, screaming child and all. If I leave every time he has a meltdown then 1. I don’t get anything done and 2. He has learned that if he doesn’t want to be someplace all he has to do is look like he’s going to have an issue. I don’t play that. 

I am also that mother who doesn’t let people coddle her child or talk to him in those baby voices while he is having a meltdown. I am also that mother who seems to react strongly to little things that her child does and be nose to nose with him talking sternly. At times I can come across as hard and unnuturing , other times too calm and oblivious. I am what he needs and I make no excuses for it. 

He is nine now and does have more coping skills, some of which I don’t care too much for. Now, when he can’t sleep, instead of waking me up every hour to tell me he can’t sleep, he just stands by my bed and looks at me. I think he is just beginning to understand that is not an acceptable alternative for me considering the jumping out of my skin bit. If he is playing with others and becomes anxious about the interactions he either removes himself from it or tries to take complete control over EVERYTHING! We are working on that too. It’s an evolution. 

Now, not everything he does is a product of autism. He is very, very intelligent and I have to weigh the things I am seeing and make a judgment call of whether it is a case of Aspergers or A-hole. I know not many parents will say that out loud, but I keeps it real. He loves to challenge his sister in a game of wits which he loses 99% of the time (she’s scary good at this stuff). He just lives for that 1% of victory. When they were almost 7, she heard me tell his pediatrician that he has Aspergers. She pulled me to the side and asks me, Asperberger? Like in butt sandwich?. It’s so hard to keep a serious and stern face when you want to high five a six year old and say “GOOD ONE!!”. The doctor cracked up. I told him he was quite unhelpful. He didn’t care. He’s a great doctor. 

Darrien is very inquisitive and asks questions all day long. Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…..seems to be his mantra. The questions are varied…Did you know that the milky way tastes like raspberries? Have you ever put your money where your mouth is? How exactly does the sperm get to the egg? Have you known anybody who died laughing, I heard people can die of laughter. My personal favorite: How is it that Dad looks so much older than you but is actually younger? A person can’t begin to imagine what another person’s family is like just by sight. We need to learn how to be non-judgmental and then maybe go that extra step and be helpful. Things are not always as it seems. That horribly behaved child may be autistic or something else. That blonde hair blue eyed child may have Black parents. Families are unendingly diverse for whatever reasons. Acceptance is key. We all just want to be accepted and appreciated for who we are and not what others expect us to be. I am not only an advocate for Autism Awareness. I am an advocate for awareness, period. Be aware of yourself and how you affect others. Be aware of others and their needs. Be aware of your true self and be honest to that. Once you can accept yourself honestly, lovingly, and with grace and forgiveness, you can extend that out to those around you. 

If that were my kid, I would do what is best for that child at the time.






Laura Hernandez

About the author:

Laura Hernandez is an energetic, divorced mother of twins. She is a hypnotist, motivational speaker, life coach and unintentional comedienne. Through sharing her life story of tragedy, struggle and overcoming against the odds, she strives to encourage every person she comes in contact with to transform their lives and live in hope, love, happiness and wholeness.

Follow her @ Twitter | Facebook| Website

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Life After Loss: The One

How do you know if he/she is the one? When dating someone, you are supposed to be getting to know them right? If you are dating several someones at the same time, are you truly getting to know ANY of them? Or are you just being drawn in by the different qualities in each one that you like? Wouldn't it be GREAT if we could pull qualities from people and pack them into the perfect person! Unfortunately, we aren't that lucky, so we actually have to take the time and effort to get to know someone. How do you feel the good ole butterflies for someone when they are not the only person you are focused on? For me dating is like shopping for shoes, rather than go from store to store trying on every pair, I casually browse until BAM, there they are, just what i was looking for . They literally have to jump out at me and capture my attention. It may sound like a silly analogy, but it seems to work for me. Being particular and sticking to your own PERSONAL style has it's advantages. While trying new things is groovy once in a while, sometimes it's better to go with what you know and feel confident in.

My two cents on determining if he/she is worth investing time into.

First off, there MUST be an attraction. Whether it be physical, mental, or the person can simply be intriguing in some way. It can't be someone that you are tired of rejecting, so *sigh* u give in, or someone just to pass the time with because you are bored.

Second, don't tell the person that you are on a date with that you are just "dating" right now. I know that if i was on a date and he told me, "I"m not looking to settle down, I'm just dating right now", that tells me that I am a number and if he is not conservative with his time and/or whom he spends it with, how or why would he be conservative with mine? He would lose probably all his credits as far as I'm concerned lol. You don't have to lie, please don't lie lol, but phrase it in a way that is honorable, like 'I haven't met anyone that I feel that I can grow with', for example. It's all about impression, and you only get ONE chance to make a good impression, choose your words carefully. I mean, we are single adults, what single adult ISN'T seeing SOMEONE! Do you really want someone that no one else wants? If he/she is claiming single status, then that "friend" that they have is disposable and you need not wory about it.

Third, KNOW yourself! Know what does it for you, what doesn't, and what your deal breakers are! What's important to you? Is it style? Music? Are you a social butterfly or a home body? Education? Family? Religion? A couple can be from the opposite ends of the earth, however; it is the fundimentals of life that is important when you are choosing a partner to grow old with.

Fourth, does their personality match yours? Can they keep up with you or do you feel that you would have to make a life change to be with this person? Can they fit in and feel comfortable around your friends and family? I believe that you can only force yourself to be a certain way for a certain amount of time. Eventually the real you NEEDS to break free from the image you are trying to uphold, and really, who wants to pretend to be something that they are not? There is no honor in that. Besides, the worst way to start a relationship is thinking, "I wonder if I can change that?"

Fifth, can this person teach you something? Can you learn from them? Will they be adding to, or taking away from your life? Do we want the same things in life? And last but not least, is this person worthy of 100% of my time, dedication, and selflessness? If you are not willing to give 100% of yourself, why would you expect 100% from your partner? While we say, "it takes a village to raise a child", well it only takes the dedication of that ONE selfless person who loves you despite your flaws, to make you feel like you safe, secure, and special.


Lisa Bell

About the author:

Lisa is a freelance writer living in Florida. She was born in Canada but raised in New York and is from Indian decent, Trinidad actually. She moved to Florida in 1990 and has been working in corporate America for 16 years. She has two amazing children, a 15 year old son and 10 year old daughter and she is a widow. She enjoys reading, writing and socializing.

Follow her @ Twitter

Monday, May 13, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: How Can My Husband and I Make More Time For Each Other?

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their follower's question about how her and her husband can make more time for each other while balancing work and kids.



Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Friday, May 10, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: I Don't Think I Want To Be Married Anymore Part 2

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their followers question about a wife who has cheated on her husband twice and isn't sure if she wants to stay married part 2.



Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Kil: Can't Tell Me Nuthin'

“You gotta see what I've seen, look where I've looked
Touch what I've reached , and take what I've took
You gotta go where I've gone , walk where I've walked
To get where I'm at to speak what I've talked
You gotta lay where I've laid , stay where I've stayed
Play where I've played to make what I've made
You gotta move what I've moved, use what I used
Use tools how I use, use fools how I use” – Beanie Sigel

This is one of my favorite verses from one of Philly’s ILLEST MC’s Beanie Sigel cause in a nutshell he’s telling you that unless you’ve walked in his shoes, you can’t tell him nuthin. And that’s how I feel about single folk giving married folk advice about marriage...ya'll can't tell me nuthin.

This weekend while I was doing my daily blog reading, I came across an article over at Black and Married with Kids that caught my attention. It was called “Why Singles Should Give Married Friends Advice.” It caught my attention because I truly and honestly believe that this is one of the worst mistakes you can make in your marriage. So, after I checked out that article, I came across another article on the same site called “How To Have A Strong Marriage When You Didn’t See One Growing Up” which basically said the exact opposite of the first one! The first piece of advice that this author gave (both articles were written by two different people) was to NOT ask your single friends for advice, which I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with 100%. Why? Because I honestly think asking someone who is single and who has NEVER BEEN MARRIED (I do believe you can get advice from someone who is divorced…basically on what NOT to do) for maritial advice is like somebody asking who has only knows how to ride a bike, advice on how to drive a car. Yeah, we both know how to navigate something to get us around but there is a HUGE difference between riding a bike and driving a car just like it is a HUGE difference between someone who has dated to someone who is married. 

Now I don’t want all the single folk out their sucking their teeth on some ole “I give GREAT advice!” And guess what? I don’t doubt that you do…just do me this justice and keep giving it to your single friends. See, a lot of single folk think that marriage is just like being in a relationship, and yeah, technically it is a relationship but ain’t NOTHING realer then marriage. I always tell folk, it’s like the difference between NCAA basketball vs. NBA basketball. Yeah, you’re playing the same game but in college, you may play 35-50 games a year tops. In the NBA you play 82-110 games a year. Guys are stronger, faster and all around better in the NBA. This is why you have a lot of players who were GREAT in college and then they get to the NBA and they’re just aiight and in a couple of years, find themselves outta the league. And it’s the same with marriage. Ever met a couple who were together for years and then they get married and in 8 months they’re divorced? Leaves you scratching your head right? Well, that’s just another example of how dating someone and being married to someone is totally different. 

Now, I do think single folk can give their married friends advice like “well, what does the bible or God say about marriage?” or “you need to humble yourself and tell your husband/wife that you were wrong and apologize” but I learned a long time ago that you have to be careful who you get advice from period. Whether they're married or not. One time when I was in undergrad at Morgan State and I was going through some problems with my girl who was back in Philly and I asked one of my friends who wasn’t in a relationship and basically was just banging mad chicks, for advice and this dude told me, “f-ck her and just bang other chicks! All these chicks at Morgan and you worried about some chick who’s 100 miles away?!?!? You're buggin!” Now, if I didn’t have any common sense (which I’ve come to realize that a lot of people don’t have) I would’ve listened to my dude, cheated on my girl and we probably would’ve ended up breaking up. But since I did have common sense, I also chopped it up with another one of my friends who was in the same exact situation I was in (a long distance relationship) and he was able to give me some tips of what him and his girl did to work out their problems with the distance which ended up helping me and my girl. The moral? Watch who you get advice from. So again, this isn’t a dis to single folk cause there’s a rack of married folk who give HORRIBLE advice too. So don’t read this and walk away with ALL married folk give great advice cause that’s not the name of this article. I’m simply saying that you need to watch who you let in your marriage and who you choose to get advice from. But no matter what, I’m always gonna stand on the fact that married folk shouldn't go to their single friends for advice because no matter how much great advice they THINK they can give you, they’ve never walked a day in your shoes. And what did Beans tell you?




Kil

About the author:

Kil is a relationship coach, producer, writer, photographer, director and co-creator of Marriage Exposed. He has been married 13 years to his beautiful wife Tanya and they have a beautiful daughter together, Naomi. Through Marriage Exposed & coaching couples with Dr. Roz, Kil encourages people to always continue to fight for their marriages and relationships.

Follow him @ Twitter | Website | Facebook

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Chrysalis: That's Just Not Fair


That’s just not fair!! A familiar sentiment heard by parents everywhere. Children all over the country complain about things not being fair in their world or experience. Unfortunately, they are not the only ones repeating this mantra.

Everywhere I go I hear adults speaking of what is fair and unfair in their lives. Spouses feel that househould responsibilities or financial obligations are being unfairly divided. Siblings feel that parents are more giving or lenient to a brother or sister. Friends feel like they give and give of themselves and don’t get the reciprocation that they expect. Employers, employees, mothers, fathers, the list goes on. All I hear is about fair! So let me tell you, like I tell my wonderful boy/girl twins who are almost ten….There is NO SUCH THING AS FAIR! There is a such thing as right but no such thing as fair.

You will live a very unhappy life if you go about seeking fairness. Your friendships will suffer, your familial relationships will be fraught with discord, and your marriages will be a constant battlefield. Fairness requires record keeping and score tabulation. It has no room for grace and love. It is an algorithm of subjective equality rooted in selfishness. When a person feels something is unfair what they really are feeling is that they were entitled to more than what they received. A pursuit of tangible equality in relationships is a relationship killer. We have now taken that person and turned them into a product. What is their output? Is it equal to mine? Are they getting more out of this relationship than I am? If so, where and how much? He doesn’t change as many diapers as I do. She doesn’t pay exactly half of the bills with her income. He doesn’t clean up as much of the house as I do. You can probably add your own unfair gripes here as well. I have had many over the course of my life.

When we are in relationship with others, especially a marriage relationship, we need to go with the ebb and flow of those relationships. It never is 50/50 and it never will be. Someone is always giving more of themselves in an instance than the other. We need to focus on what is right and not what is fair. We need to look at ourselves and find our role and fill it well.

Now I know there are some people out there who are saying that their life is really, truly unfair. They do just about everything in the home and relationship. If that is the case, your problem is boundaries and that is a separate discussion. Poor boundaries in relationships makes one person lazy and the other overstepping into areas they don’t need to be in causing a serious imbalance of the ebb and flow of a relationship. (Read the book Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud)

So, look up from your internal spreadsheets, see the person you are in relationship with. Is the relationship healthy? Is this a person that you need to continue to have a relationship with? Some relationships are for a season and a purpose and they eventually come to an end. If you are married, really look at and into your spouse. Experience them as a whole being with feelings and aspirations and wants and needs just as you. We are all flawed and in need of love, understanding, appreciation, patience, and true relationship. Acknowledge that in yourself and in others. Listen with your whole self and accept and speak the truth. Find peace and stop counting the pieces. And no, it’s not fair.


Laura Hernandez

About the author:

Laura Hernandez is an energetic, divorced mother of twins. She is a hypnotist, motivational speaker, life coach and unintentional comedienne. Through sharing her life story of tragedy, struggle and overcoming against the odds, she strives to encourage every person she comes in contact with to transform their lives and live in hope, love, happiness and wholeness.

Follow her @ Twitter | Facebook
| Website

Monday, May 6, 2013

Dr. Roz and Kil: I Don't Think I Want To Be Married Anymore Part 1

Dr. Roz and Kil answer one of their followers question about a wife who has cheated on her husband twice and isn't sure if she wants to stay married part 1.
 


Dr. Roz and Kil

About the authors:

Dr. Roz and Kil are relationship coaches and the creators of Marriage Exposed. They have been coaching couples and families for over 5 years. With a mixture of therapeutical strategies, biblical principals, practicality and laughter, Dr. Roz and Kil not only coach couples through the hard times of their relationships but they continue to impart wisdom, after their storms have passed.

Follow them @ Twitter | Facebook

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Sensual Sundays: The Best of Joe

I never liked Joe. To be honest, I though the dude was a pathetic excuse for a man. Why you ask? I never messed with dudes who I felt were beggin' for a chick. And Joe's "All The Things Your Man Won't Do" and basically the bulk of his ENTIRE discography falls in that category. Plus I always felt like he was just a broke version of R. Kelly. But one day I peeped him on VH1 Soulstage and I never realized that I liked so many of money's songs. Next thing you know I'm putting together a "Best of Joe mix"...go figure. I guess I rock with money now.

Tracklisting
I Wanna Know
Majic
Stutter
All The Things Your Man Won't Do
Metaphor
More and More
Love Scene
Faded Pictures featuring Case
Friends Don't Let Friends
If I Was Your Man
Very Special Friend
Don't Wanna Be A Player
Love's Greatest Episode
Priceless
Let's Stay Home Tonight
Stutter (Remix)

Link:


Instructions On How to Download:
#1 - Click the link that will take you to sendspace.com and click the blue button that says "click here to start download from sendspace." DO NOT click any other "download" buttons.

#2 - Pick the destination of the download (exp. Desktop, C drive, My music, etc.)

#3 - Once the file is finished, it's in a zip file and you'll need to unzip it. Right click the zip file and click "extract" and it will put the music in a regular folder with the mp3 files.

#4 - At this point you can play the files from your computer but if you want to burn them to CD put the mp3 files into your itunes, real player, etc. library and burn them to CD and enjoy!