Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Life After Loss: The One

How do you know if he/she is the one? When dating someone, you are supposed to be getting to know them right? If you are dating several someones at the same time, are you truly getting to know ANY of them? Or are you just being drawn in by the different qualities in each one that you like? Wouldn't it be GREAT if we could pull qualities from people and pack them into the perfect person! Unfortunately, we aren't that lucky, so we actually have to take the time and effort to get to know someone. How do you feel the good ole butterflies for someone when they are not the only person you are focused on? For me dating is like shopping for shoes, rather than go from store to store trying on every pair, I casually browse until BAM, there they are, just what i was looking for . They literally have to jump out at me and capture my attention. It may sound like a silly analogy, but it seems to work for me. Being particular and sticking to your own PERSONAL style has it's advantages. While trying new things is groovy once in a while, sometimes it's better to go with what you know and feel confident in.

My two cents on determining if he/she is worth investing time into.

First off, there MUST be an attraction. Whether it be physical, mental, or the person can simply be intriguing in some way. It can't be someone that you are tired of rejecting, so *sigh* u give in, or someone just to pass the time with because you are bored.

Second, don't tell the person that you are on a date with that you are just "dating" right now. I know that if i was on a date and he told me, "I"m not looking to settle down, I'm just dating right now", that tells me that I am a number and if he is not conservative with his time and/or whom he spends it with, how or why would he be conservative with mine? He would lose probably all his credits as far as I'm concerned lol. You don't have to lie, please don't lie lol, but phrase it in a way that is honorable, like 'I haven't met anyone that I feel that I can grow with', for example. It's all about impression, and you only get ONE chance to make a good impression, choose your words carefully. I mean, we are single adults, what single adult ISN'T seeing SOMEONE! Do you really want someone that no one else wants? If he/she is claiming single status, then that "friend" that they have is disposable and you need not wory about it.

Third, KNOW yourself! Know what does it for you, what doesn't, and what your deal breakers are! What's important to you? Is it style? Music? Are you a social butterfly or a home body? Education? Family? Religion? A couple can be from the opposite ends of the earth, however; it is the fundimentals of life that is important when you are choosing a partner to grow old with.

Fourth, does their personality match yours? Can they keep up with you or do you feel that you would have to make a life change to be with this person? Can they fit in and feel comfortable around your friends and family? I believe that you can only force yourself to be a certain way for a certain amount of time. Eventually the real you NEEDS to break free from the image you are trying to uphold, and really, who wants to pretend to be something that they are not? There is no honor in that. Besides, the worst way to start a relationship is thinking, "I wonder if I can change that?"

Fifth, can this person teach you something? Can you learn from them? Will they be adding to, or taking away from your life? Do we want the same things in life? And last but not least, is this person worthy of 100% of my time, dedication, and selflessness? If you are not willing to give 100% of yourself, why would you expect 100% from your partner? While we say, "it takes a village to raise a child", well it only takes the dedication of that ONE selfless person who loves you despite your flaws, to make you feel like you safe, secure, and special.

Lisa Bell

About the author:

Lisa is a freelance writer living in Florida. She was born in Canada but raised in New York and is from Indian decent, Trinidad actually. She moved to Florida in 1990 and has been working in corporate America for 16 years. She has two amazing children, a 15 year old son and 10 year old daughter and she is a widow. She enjoys reading, writing and socializing.

Follow her @ Twitter


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