Thursday, June 20, 2013

I Love You...Wait...I Love The Future You!

I've been called out by some friends on turning down dates or not dating some men.  Not because there is anything wrong with them. But, because of where they are currently at in life.

I hear "girl, he has so much potential though!"  The idea of dating someone for their potential is not really an option for me.  Why you ask?

At my current age (not in the early 20's), if a potential life mate is not at a point in life where I can accept him being at for the rest of our lives, I will pass.  I have already had the experience of working two jobs and holding down a spouse while he studied for his advanced degrees.  All this for his potential and the potential future of us as a family together.  After all that, I am divorced and single with kids.

When I think about that circumstance, Kanye West lyrics come to mind:

"He got thay ambition, bably look in his eyes
This week he's moppin' floors, next week it's fries
So, stick by his side
I know these dudes ballin and yeah that's nice
And they gon' leep callin and tryin'
But you stay right, girl
But when you get on, he leave your ass for a white girl"

Okay back to my original points.

I think there is a true danger in being with someone for their "potential".  We see someone in school or looking like they are about to do something we consider big.  Then we start daydreaming about what they will do with their lives, what we will do together, how happy everything will be, etc., etc., etc.

What if those things never happen?  What if life takes a different turn?  What if they change their mind about the direction we were so excited about?  Do you still want that person?

More often than not, people feel cheated out of what they thought would happen. Then they become angry at the other person for not making these dreams come true.  It really is unfair to penalize someone for the dreams you had for their life.

We can become so future minded and goal grabbing, we forget to look at what is in the here and now.  Do I appreciate this person in front of me now?  If they never "become" will I still want them?  If they stay exactly as they are now, will that be okay?  Will I still love them if they don't live up to what I think is their "potential"?

If you answer no to any of those questions, keep it moving.  You can't create someone elses future for them.  You can create your own future and if that person does meet that potential, then BONUS!

Choose wisely too!  You may choose someone for their really bright future and get them through with a lot of support and they can turn around and choose to live that future without you.  Check the character of the person first. A person with character issues and "red flags" can turn on you without notice.

Here is a nice cliche for you: Don't count your chickens before they are hatched.

What are your thoughts or experiences on this topic?  I want to hear from you.

Laura Hernandez

About the author:

Laura Hernandez is an energetic, divorced mother of twins. She is a hypnotist, motivational speaker, life coach and unintentional comedienne. Through sharing her life story of tragedy, struggle and overcoming against the odds, she strives to encourage every person she comes in contact with to transform their lives and live in hope, love, happiness and wholeness.

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