Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The Chrysalis: What Is Love?

For most of my life I couldn't tell you what the definition of love was.

I definitely had amassed an exhaustive list of what it was NOT.  I kept adding to that list over the years. The list was something like this.

No name calling.
No aggression.
No cheating.
No mental games.
No lying.
No alienation.
No abandonment.
No pushiness.
No bullying.
No disloyalty.

And on and on and on....

My focus was on what I did not want.  Of course as I have learned, what you focus on is what you ultimately get. So as I left my "family of origin" with my "no go" list. I ran right into the same things and ironically lived the second 17 years much in the same manner as the first 17.  In fear of rejection, disapproval, anger, and abandonment. All the while receiving it on a daily basis.  Less physical bruises, but physical bruises heal much faster than emotional and spiritual bruises.

Everybody's definition of love varies according to their needs and Love Language. One friend put it to me very succinctly "You want love and security and affection and all that fly sh**".  Exactly!

Security is my number one issue (for obvious reasons). Which to me means my safety is assured not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I don't like relational surprises like...I'm still angry about something from 3 weeks ago that I didn't tell you about...or....Surprise! I just got hit up for child support for a kid you didn't know about (I just made that one up). This requires very open, simple, to the point communication. I don't like to try and decipher meaning from someone elses words and neither do I like someone interpreting my words different from how I meant or stated them. So, I'm very direct...most of the time.

Never focus on what you don't want.  That is what you get. I repeat this often:  You don't drive a car down the road looking at the ditch telling yourself not to drive into that ditch. Guess what? In that ditch you will go. Simply because that is where you were looking.  Keep your sight focused on what you want and let the rest sit in the ditch.

So what is love to you? I'm not talking about chiseled abs or long flowing hair.  I'm talking about things that last. What do you want from love? Whether it is romantic love or friendship.

Laura Hernandez

About the author:

Laura Hernandez is an energetic, divorced mother of twins. She is a hypnotist, motivational speaker, life coach and unintentional comedienne. Through sharing her life story of tragedy, struggle and overcoming against the odds, she strives to encourage every person she comes in contact with to transform their lives and live in hope, love, happiness and wholeness.

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